


Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

by FranCV



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-30 04:19:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 36,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6408481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FranCV/pseuds/FranCV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You remember the first time you saw Clarke Griffin a year ago, you remember you had to rub your eyes because you hate professor Jaha's history class, but it suddenly became your favorite when the blonde sat in front of you after saying her name to the class making you want to look at the back of her head instead of sleeping the whole class, admiring how her hair is even more shiny than the sun.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or<br/>Lexa has a serious crush on Clarke, and Clarke is too scared about people's reaction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after coming back from the hospital so I apologize for the mistakes. Also English is not my first language. I promise it has a happy ending! :)

You push your glasses up your nose as you walk through the school's halls towards your locker. You hear someone calling your name, but you ignore it because you know that voice. And you're definitely not in the mood for him right now. Not after the long day you just had. You ignore John Murphy's voice again as you finally find your locker right next to the girls bathroom's door. As you open the metal door, you feel someone slapping the back of your head making you hit your forehead on the cold surface. You heard some people laughing behind you and you just bit your lip until you taste your own blood trying to control yourself. You count to ten just like your older sister taught you three years ago when you came home from school with a black eye and a bleeding nose. You remember the pain in your voice as you told Anya about the fight you got yourself into because someone was bothering your best friend. You still remember her voice trying to comfort you as she wiped your tears and blood from your nose. You remember the innocent but curious eyes of your two year old little niece Tris hiding behind her mom's legs as she stared into your eyes. You remember giving her a nervous smile when your older sister told her you just fell from your chair and hit your face on the cafeteria's table at school, the child just nodded and hugged your stomach with her little arms and rested her head on your stomach and you had to ignore the pain you felt when she snuggled closer to your ribs. When Costia's father found a better job that could bring more money to his small family, she moved across the country and you've never heard of her again. You tell yourself that's good because you're sure that at the age of thirteen you shouldn't want to kiss your best friend, or hold her soft hand when you both walked her dog to the park every Saturday morning. But you still miss her like crazy everyday. You wonder if she does too.

After pushing your books into your locker and taking your soccer bag you close the small door and get into the bathroom to check your forehead ignoring John's laugh next to you. You look at yourself in the big mirror and see a small cut above your right eyebrow and you don't want to explain it to your coach so you wet your hands and wince as you clean your blood from your face. And that's when you hear _her_ voice. Her laugh. The blonde opens the bathroom door followed by her two best friends, one of them is your teammate but you're sure she doesn't even know your name since you're always siting on the bench with a black hoodie covering the number 23 and your last name. You look at her reflection on the mirror behind you for a second and you feel your mouth and throat get dry when you notice her legs on her blue and yellow cheerleader's uniform. Or how her smile can make you forget the throbbing on your eyebrow immediately. She looks so beautiful you just can't keep looking. You wet your hands again to wipe all of the blood from your fingers and after checking your eyebrow one more time on the mirror to make sure it's not bleeding anymore you take your bag and leave the bathroom looking at your dirty white Vans you bought two years ago after some summer work you did cutting grass in a nice neighborhood, and you remember looking at the houses and wishing you could afford to live in such a nice place along with your little family.

You're not sure if you are hearing well or if you're imagining things but after walking next to the younger Blake you heard Clarke Griffin softly asking, "Who's that?" But you're sure that the brunette just shrugged because before opening the door to leave the bathroom you heard the other girl next to the blonde asking if they're still coming to her house this Friday for her weekly party, so the topic of you was easily dropped.

You remember the first time you saw Clarke Griffin a year ago, you remember you had to rub your eyes because you hate professor Jaha's history class, but it suddenly became your favorite when the blonde sat in front of you after saying her name to the class making you want to look at the back of her head instead of sleeping the whole class, admiring how her hair is even more shiny than the sun. That was the first time you didn't have to ask to your only friend Lincoln for his notes of the class. You remember him sitting next to you when the class was over and pushing his notebook next to yours, and the way his eyes got even more bigger when he noticed your sheet full of notes about American history. You ignored him for the rest of that week because you couldn't find a little lie to tell him to avoid his teasing about the new girl sitting in front of you.

You're not sure of when the small glances towards her, or the way you admire her smile when you see her performing the cheerleaders routine before every soccer game became something more than a simple crush to you. She's probably the only reason you haven't asked your sister to change you to another school, because you're not sure if you'd be able to survive without hearing her voice, her laugh or seeing her smile or the most beautiful baby blue eyes you've ever seen. Clarke is definitely more than a simple crush to you, but of course, you can't bring yourself to talk to her face to face. The only time you allowed your tongue to pronounce her name was when professor Kane asked you to help him to tell the grades of his class to each student, and you appreciate the fact that he wants to help you make friends but no one finds cool that you're probably the best student he's ever had, he always says you're a math genius. You remember holding your breath when you saw the sheet in front of you with Clarke's name, and you remember that you found cute the way she draws a little heart on top of the I on her last name, or how small she writes the numbers. You wish you could tell her that if she makes the numbers a little bigger math would be more easier to understand because she wouldn't get confused. But of course, you can't even look at her eyes without getting nervous.

Coach yells your name when you're tying your old and dirty blue cleats sitting on the bench and you look at him surprised that he still remembers your name. He calls you from the middle of the field and you take off your hoodie before running to him. He wraps his arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to him as he tells you about Harper's injury and you only can bring yourself to nod as he speaks about how she fell and twisted her ankle when she played last Monday. You can't help but smile, not because you're happy that your teammate is injured, but because you know what it means. You'll play next game. When practice started, you promised to yourself that this is your chance to prove how good you are, or at least how good Anya and Tris say you are every Sunday afternoon when they keep you company at the park while you play soccer in the small field after having a picnic with your family. You wipe the sweat from your forehead as you run towards the goal posts and make eye contact with the keeper you don't recognize after stealing the ball in the middle of the field from the other team with some fancy footwork. She gives you the typical sly smile all goalkeepers give to everyone as your foot make contact with the soccer ball, and your heart rate quickened when you see how she tries to catch the ball you sent right in the top corner of the net. You close your eyes and you only open them when you hear your teammates cheering behind you, and how coach yells your name again. No one can wipe the smile off your face when you hear the next words leaving the old man's mouth.

"You're playing this Friday, Woods."

You feel some of your teammates slapping your back, but not in the way John Murphy did. You smile at them even though you're not sure if you remember their names. When you turn to your left, you see Octavia Blake hugging Clarke and saying something that made the blonde laugh loudly, you wish you could be able to make her laugh like her friends do so often. Before you can walk into the dressing room again to take a quick shower and go home after a long day you feel someone grabbing your wrist and you can't help but remember those days. The years you were part of the system, just another number on the computers until your sister turned 21 and could get you out of that house. You remember how you refused to leave Anya's side the first few years, the small version of yourself at the age of seven was always standing next to your sister. You eventually had to start using your own bed when she got pregnant with Tris. You remember being the only person with her at the hospital when the little brunette was born. You remember how at the age of eleven you were obsessed with the baby, asking all kinds of innocent questions only a child can, how you used to tell your sister how beautiful she was and when you promised to Anya that nothing would ever happen to your niece. You shake your head slowly trying to erase all of the bad memories from your head before you turn around and make contact with a pair of green eyes. You forget how to breath when you see Clarke Griffin standing next to Octavia in front of you, both smiling. You were about to push up your glasses, but then you remembered that you always put on your contacts for practice in case coach decides to play you. Idiot.

"Nice goal, uh..." Octavia says, you clear your throat.

"L-Lexa. Lexa Woods." You give her a quick nod and she smiles even bigger.                          

"How long have you been on the team? I've seen you playing before."

Of course she doesn't know you've been part of the team even before she got into the school. Right when you started your freshman year.

"Uh, not long." You lie, because you're embarrassed that coach never allowed you to play before. Octavia looks at Clarke, but the blonde's eye are focused on your face and you hope that you don't smell that bad from all of the running.

"Cool. Let's see how you do it this Friday, if we win you can come to Raven's after party." Oh so that's the name of their other friend. The soft green eyes leave your face as she takes her bag from the floor and grabs Clarke's arm. "See you around, Lexa!"

But you don't answer her, because again you're not sure if you're imagining things or if Clarke Griffin, the captain of the cheerleaders squad, just gave you a big smile and thumbs up before following Octavia to her car. You stand there like an idiot without being able to make your legs walk again for a long, long while.

After throwing your black and white bike into the garage of your house you open the door and like always, you feel a pair of arms wrapping around your waist. The smile on your face is almost as big as the one you made when coach told you you were going to play on this week's game. And you suddenly remember that you still have to give the news to your family. You easily pick up your niece from the floor and she wraps her still short legs in the place her arms used to be. She plays with your braids as you close the door with your foot and walk to the kitchen following the smell of mac and cheese your sister is cooking. Anya sees you and she gives you a big, but tired, smile. Thank god it's already Wednesday and you can give her a nice weekend off of everything. You usually cook on the weekends, you take out he trash everyday before leaving for school, and you take care of your niece every night when Anya leaves for her second job. You keep telling her every dinner that you could get a part time job somewhere to help her but she refuses and sometimes, gets really mad at you. You know that she wants you to have everything, but you hate feeling useless. Even though that the word "no" is always the answer to that topic, you know that as soon as you get your college degree you'll help your sister with everything you can.

"I made you something on school today, Leksa!" You love the way your niece says your name, you've always found if extremely cute. "Is a new cup for your pencils! The ones that you let me use with you when we're doing homework."

"Oh yeah?" You smirk at her making her giggle in your arms. Tris is probably the only person that you smile for, along with your sister. "What color is it?"

"Blue!" Tris says with a big and proud smile on her face. "'Cause I know you do not like pink, Leksa."

The memories of that night will most likely never be forgotten. Tris is such a sweet, caring and smart kid that it surprises you sometimes. You remember how shaky your voice was while you were both watching a Disney movie and she asked you if you had find your Prince Charming yet. You remember how her soft hazel eyes stared into yours waiting for an answer. That was the first time you wished that everything could be more simple. You remember playing with your fingers as you told her that you did not find guys attractive like most of the girls of your age do. You remember her curious eyes looking at you waiting for an explanation, because the small girl have never heard of something like what you just told her. You explained to her that just like Princess Aurora likes her Prince, you like princesses just like princes do. A loving smile took over her face as she hugged you and wrapped her arms around your neck, sitting comfortable on your lap. You're probably never forgetting her next and last question about your sexuality, "that's why you do not like pink? and you always wear blue?" You remember nodding and wrapping your thin arms around her small body and covering her face with soft kisses. She giggled in your arms before turning around still sitting on top of you to give all of her attention to the movie playing in front of her again.

After helping your sister to set up the table and wash your niece hands and face you sit in your usual spot at the table right in front of Tris. The little girl is already filling her tiny stomach with food and occasionally drinking the orange juice you prepared especially for her. Anya is drinking coffee like always and eating a few cookies as she looks at you waiting for you to tell her how school was today. She never actually asks you to tell her, but you know that look she's giving you. She's worried about you. You see her eyes moving to the small cut on your eyebrow and you know she haven't mentioned it just because her daughter is in front of you. You give your sister a weak smile before swallowing the food inside your mouth. You hear Tris telling her mother how much fun she had at school today and you wish you could go back to that age and be as happy as she is everyday. But then you remember that you do have a reason to be happy this week, so after taking a sip of your glass of water you touch your sister's arm to catch her attention and look into her eyes.

"I'll play this Friday, Anya." You say and you see your sister smiling big to you, and Tris letting out a loud squeal of excitement. "Coach gave me a chance to play because one of the girls is injured."

You don't remember how long has it been since your sister looked so happy after hearing news from you. "That's so cool Lexa!" She says taking your hand between hers. "You need to show them how good you are, Lex." Somehow the smile on her face gets even more bigger and you can't help but being proud of yourself for being responsible of your sister's happiness.

After dinner you clean up the dishes while your sister tucks her daughter into her bed. You wipe your hands in your t-shirt after finishing with the cups and before you can turn around you feel someone touching your shoulder. The familiar touch makes you turn around and you met your sister's loving eyes and smile. You wrap your arms around her waist and hide your face into the crook of her neck. She moves her hand up and down your back and you can't help but inhale her familiar scent. Coffee, and the vanilla coming from her shampoo. You know she's trying her best with you, and you also know it's not her fault that you still can't let her in. She knows you're hiding things from her. Anya breaks the hug to look into your glassy green eyes. Again, you give her a weak smile.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" She says as soft as she can and it surprises you because the big and strong personal trainer is playing with your hair instead of making you do push ups in front of her. "I have to go, but you need to clean this." Anya touches your eyebrow and you wince again just like you did in the girls bathroom earlier. "And don't tell me it's from soccer practice." You can only bring yourself to nod at her.

You see Anya taking her bag from the couch and she smiles at you before walking to the door, you watch her as she leaves the house but before she can close he door she uses her index finger to point at you. "Don't forget to do you homework." She gives you her typical smile and you nod again with a similar smile on your face.

"Of course, Anya." You playfully roll your eyes at her because you know how much she hates when you do that. She just shakes her head softly laughing and closes the door. A few minutes later you hear her car sped off.

You check that she closed and locked the door before turning off the lights of the kitchen and small living room. You take your black backpack from the kitchen chair and walk towards your small bedroom. You throw yourself face first on top of your bed and sigh loudly in your pillow. After a few minutes of staring at your desk full of school work and math books you rub your eyes and sit in the edge of your bed. You take off your shoes and go to your closet to pick up something more comfortable to wear. You let the boy shorts, oversized t-shirt and sports bra rest in the corner of your bed as you leave your room to take a cold shower that will help you to wake up. You check on your niece and see the tired little girl already asleep in the middle of your sister's bed dressed in her pink princess Aurora pajamas. You smile at her before leaving the room without closing the door so if she wakes up and calls your name as you do your homework you can come and check on her. You remove your clothes and throw them to the corner of the bathroom and step into the cold water that makes you open your eyes immediately. You shiver a little as you wash the soap and conditioner from your sore body.

With a towel wrapped around your body and your hair dripping to the wood floor you walk to you bedroom again and get dressed as you think about your day. It didn't start well because you woke up later than usual and couldn't take something for breakfast, and you didn't have time to prepare yourself something for lunch and you hate asking for money to your sister. Of course Anya didn't mind handing you 10 dollars this morning for you to buy lunch at school. But you still felt guilty after taking her money. And then there was John Murphy making fun of your clothes again. The only highlight of the day was staring to Clarke's shiny blond hair at History. And of course, the fact that you'll finally play this Friday. You're gonna give everything you can so you can get a regular spot on the starters in every game.

Anya woke you up by softly shacking your shoulders and whispering your name when she came home at 6 am. You were asleep on top of your desk with your face on your biology book. You feel a shiver run down your spine as you remember that you didn't dry your hair last night, and when you sneeze your sister gives you a worried look. You can't afford to get sick now, not when you're finally having your chance with the soccer team. Anya offers you a hug and rubs your back a few times before saying she'll make you some hot coffee and pancakes to cheer you up. You nod and say that you'll get dressed in a few minutes. She leaves your room and you turn your attention towards your books and notebooks and sigh in relief when you see that you managed to do all of your homework before falling asleep. You think about what you can wear today to avoid John as you put your books and pens inside your backpack. You decide on a pair of black leggings and your favorite blue hoodie Tris help you pick the last time you went shopping with her a few months ago, along a black pair of Converse.

After dressing you find your sister already eating in the kitchen, and if you see the big and dark bags under her caring eyes you don't mention them. She tells you you took too long to come out of your cave and you just laugh and sit in front of her. You ask her what kind of costumers were at the bar last night and she just answers with, "the usual". And you know what it means, they probably tried to took advantage of her but of course she didn't let them. That's probably why when she takes the cup with hot coffee and brings it to her lips you notice her red and swollen knuckles.

"I'll stay to practice with the team today." You say and she nods as she steals some pancakes and whipped cream from your plate. And that's when you suddenly realize that you haven't told her about the after party tomorrow, and how much you really, really want to go. "There's, uh..."

You avoid your sister's eyes as you bit your lip and play with your fingers on the table. "What is it, Lex?" Anya asks.

"There's uh... A party after the game." You mumble and you hope your sister understand what you said because you're too embarrassed to say it again. "I've never been invited to one before," you say louder this time, and before you can say anything else her voice interrupts you.

"Just don't come back too late okay?" She says and you look at her unable to wipe the smile off your face. "I can help you to get dressed if you want too." Anya casually speaks as she steals another piece of pancake from your plate. "But just one thing," she says and you nod before she even finishes the sentence. "Don't drink, or at least no more than one cup. And don't accept anything from anyone, understand?" Anya says this time looking at you with something you can't catch in her eyes. Maybe she's worried about you again.

For the first time in almost three years you find yourself smiling in the school's halls as you walk to your locker. You haven't been so excited to spend your day at school since Costia moved across the country. You see John Murphy looking weirdly at you because it's probably the first time he has ever seen you smiling. You lock eyes with him and before opening the small metal door you give a little smirk to him. You turn your attention to your books as you carefully pick the ones you'll need today along with your notebooks. You put them inside your backpack along with the ones you brought from home before walking to your first class of the day. Mr. Kane is already at his desk and he smiles at you.

"Good morning, miss Woods." He says as you take a seat in your usual spot, you answer with a wave of your free right hand. "I hope you don't mind helping a few students today Lexa." You just shake you head as you take off your earphones from your neck. You're used to helping some people when the finals are getting closer. You just didn't expect to help her.

When professor Kane told Clarke Griffin to sit next to you you couldn't help but move your chair a little to your left just because you're afraid to be so close to her. You don't trust yourself around her and you're supposed to help her with maths and not having a heart attack. Clarke gave you an apologetic look when Mr. Kane called her name and told her to sit with you for the rest of the class. "He knows my mom, and he's worried about me not understanding his class." She said with the sweetest voice you've ever heard before. You just nodded avoiding her eyes as you concentrated your attention in your notebook looking for an excuse to not meet her blue eyes.

"We... We uh, have some homework for tomorrow, maybe I could help you with that, okay?" You mumble just like you did this morning with your sister.

"Yes please," the blonde nearly moans, "I'd love you forever." And oh how you wish she really meant that.

You explain the numbers in your book to her and surprisingly she understand after a few tries. You look at how her hands, oh how you wish you could take them into yours, write the numbers in her copybook and you tell yourself that this is your chance to tell her that if she makes the numbers a little bigger it could become easier to understand. So you do, and for a second she looks into your eyes like you're the craziest person in the planet. And she's right, because you're crazy about Clarke Griffin, who's currently taking your advice and smiling to you because of course you were right.

As soon as the bell goes off you stand up from your chair and take your things and put them inside your backpack without looking at her. You're not sure how you survived sitting next to Clarke for so long without actually having a heart attack or losing the memory of how to breath. After closing your backpack you mumble a simple "goodbye" and push your glasses up your nose before leaving the classroom without expecting an answer from the captain of the cheerleaders. You see Mr. Kane giving you a knowing smile and you wonder if he knows how you actually feel about the blonde.

It is weird for you not to hear John Murphy calling your name or making fun of your clothes today, but you remind yourself that is probably because he has football practice today. You take your soccer bag from your locker and after taking a look at the broken screen of your phone you realize that you only have 10 minutes until practice starts. You close your locker before sprinting towards the locker rooms to change your clothes and put on your contacts.

Coach gives the team 5 minutes to take a few sips of water before playing 7 vs 7. You nod and run to the bench to take your bottle from your bag, and from the corner of your eye you see the cheerleaders practicing their new routine for tomorrow. You see Clarke giving instructions to her team and when they all nod, the blonde turns around to look at you. You try to avoid her eyes and take even more water than what you needed, but when someone takes your wrist you almost drowned with the cold water running down your throat.

"Hey Lexa," the soft voice says. You slowly turn around to look at Clarke's blue eyes. "Thank you for helping me in math class." She gives you a little smile and you swear that you saw her cheeks getting a little rosy. You nod.

"No problem." You answer unable to think of another phrase. "Anytime." You say right before coach yells your name telling you to get your ass over there and stop wasting time. You nod again without looking at him and you offer Clarke a little smile.

That's when you realize that she's the only other person besides your sister and niece that make you smile.

Game day was finally here and Tris wrapped her arms around your waist even more stronger telling you to don't forget to have fun, and that no matter what happens today you'll always be her favorite player. You easily pick her up and tickled her until it was time for you to leave. You made her promise to be good for your sister and teachers at school, and to eat all of her breakfast. Anya's hug came next. She told you how proud she was of you and that she'll try her best to be there to watch your first real game. You nodded with tears in your eyes as you buried your face in her neck and after inhaling her familiar scent, you left the house. No one could erase the smile from your face all day, not even professor Jaha who asked you questions about his class and you of course didn't know anything. Thank god the bell rang before he expected you to answer.

Your hands were kinda shacking while you were trying to tie your cleats sitting on the dressing room. The team captain, a senior you're not familiar with, was giving all of you some tips for tonight and saying that if you don't give your best performance she'll personally make your life a disaster. Everyone laughed expect you, because you're not sure if your life could get a little worst so you don't worry about her words. But of course you're giving everything you have tonight.

You're not sure if your legs are shacking because you're nervous or because of the cold air. You move your hands up and down your arms because you're not used to the cold air on them when you were sitting on the bench, but you tell yourself that you better get used to the chilly nights. The team is focused on the warm ups so you shake your head and keep running. When the cheerleaders were announced you felt your hands getting sweaty and of course it's not because you're excited for the game. You rub the back of your neck with your hand as your eyes search for the baby blue eyes in front of you. But Clarke is too focused on smiling and performing to look at you. Of course. Why'd she look at you, the math nerd? You close your eyes to stop the few tears that are making you uncomfortable. You can't cry in front of everyone. Stop it.

The game was tied to 1-1 and there was only 16 minutes left from the second half. Of course you're thinking about High school musical 3 instead of trying to steal the ball from your opponents. You hear coach yelling a few names telling them to run faster and to pass the ball to you or Octavia Blake, you assisted her goal on the first half and you remind yourself that that's good and that you should try to score as well. The cheerleaders are still yelling your school's name and you ask yourself how their throats don't get sore, or if they get bored of smiling. Because you would. With only 3 minutes left you were finally able to touch the ball after a free kick was given to your team. You make eye contact with your teammate and she gives you a discrete nod. When her foot made contact with the ball she sent it to you, and you used your forehead to throw it right inside the net. The goalkeeper wasn't even looking at you. You ignore the pain on your head as you feel your teammates jumping into your back, shacking your shoulders and grabbing your cheeks. You smile to all of them and you swear that you heard _her_ voice yelling your name even louder than the rest of the cheerleaders. When you see Octavia running to you from the other side of the field you have an idea of what she's gonna say.

"You're so coming to the party, Woods!" She yells as she wraps one her arms around your waist and you should feel disgusted because her sweaty forehead is right on your neck, but then you remember that you're probably in the same state as her.

The rest of the game was leaded by your team and the confidence they gained after you scored. You touched the ball a few times but when you tried to pass it to Octavia so she could score again, the game ended. You saw coach jump in victory and you ask yourself how he can still do that at his age. You couldn't help but laugh until you nearly snorted. A few of your teammates laughed as well. You looked to your side and saw Clarke running into the field and your heart nearly stopped when you thought she was coming to you. But of course she wasn't. She latched herself on Octavia's arms, who was standing next to you, laughing and smiling to her friend. They joked about Octavia's falling to her ass on the grass and how sweaty she was. And that's when you realized that you were not supposed to hear their conversation.

You were the first one in the showers and you were almost done dressing when the rest of the team joined you in the dressing rooms. You only had your oversized t-shirt to put on left but you were busy trying to tie your blue Vans, the ones Anya and Tris gave you for your 17th birthday. You looked up from your feet and saw one of your teammates' girlfriend sitting on her lap almost eating each other's faces in front of everyone. You don't blame them though, because you're sure that you'd be all over your partner as well if you ever find confidence to speak to the other girls. You recognize the girl from the basketball team when you tried on their open practice. You remember coach saying when the year started that no one who wasn't part of the team was welcomed inside the dressing rooms on game days but you don't have the heart to say anything and ruin your teammate's relationship. You wiped some of the water coming from your hair in your back and abs and after standing you put on your simple black t-shirt. That's when you make eye contact with Clarke Griffin who was staring to your chest with something you don't recognize on her blue eyes. Or maybe she was looking at the tattoo you got last summer on your bicep after getting in your knees in front of your sister pleading her to let you decorate your skin. And you gulp. She's sitting on Octavia's spot obviously waiting for her friend still on her cheerleader's uniform. You try to avoid her eyes as you get yourself busy looking for your glasses. "Dammit." You whisper when you couldn't find them inside your bag.

"Looking for this?" Says her voice next to you and your throat gets dry once again as you turn your attention to her. She has the same look in her eyes as she hands you your glasses and when your hand accidentally touched hers you nearly died right there after the best day you've ever had. You tell yourself you can't die yet. "You look better without them, though." Clarke whispers as she sits right in front of you, on your spot, and bits her bottom lip softly.

And you don't know what the hell you're supposed to say after that.

Thank God she didn't expect you to answer before speaking again. "You're coming to the party, right?" She asks looking up at you and you only nod as you take your bag and let it hang on your shoulder.

"Yeah." You mumble. "But I need to go home first."

"Oh." Clarke says with something on her voice. Maybe disappointment. You wonder why. "I was hoping maybe you could catch a ride with me and my friends." _What?_

You rub the back of your neck again as you think about something to say. You're still supposed to change your clothes at home and tell Anya and Tris about the game. You look at the blonde sitting in front of you and she's still using her blue eyes to stare at your face, but she's now playing with her fingers on her lap. Then you remember that you don't even know where this party is because this is the first time you've ever been invited to one. You wonder if there will be some of the guys who are friends with Murphy, of course they'll be there, idiot. That's when you start thinking if it is worth it to go there and don't speak with anyone in a few hours when you could be at home doing your math home work for next Monday and hearing Tris laugh as your sister tickles her small ribs. But that's when you realize that you could still be doing that on Saturday.

"I-I don't know your friend's direction," you say to the blonde, she looks at you with clear confusion on her blue eyes. Of course you have to explain that you've never been invited to a party before. "I don't usually go to parties." You say embarrassed as you push your glasses up your nose. And you're not completely lying. Clarke gives you a soft smile.

"Do you have a pen?" She says.

Tris is running towards you even before you can open the garage door. She has the biggest smile on her face and when she extends her arms, you drop your bag from your shoulders and easily catch her. She wraps her legs around your waist and her arms around your neck, and plays with your braided hair. Tris immediately starts asking you how was the game and how many goals you scored. You smile at her and tell her that you want to give the news to her mother as well, Tris whispers "okay." and she rests her head on your shoulder while she still plays with your braids. You use one of your arms to support her still tiny body to your side as you take your bag from the grass in front of your house. Only when you look up you see your sister giving you a smile that immediately warms your chest.

Anya tells you that you should take a shower before dinner and you simply nod. She already told you she expects details from the game. After wrapping your white towel around your soaked body you take your dirty clothes from the bathroom floor. Tris is already sitting at the table drinking a glass of water telling you to hurry up because she wants her orange juice only you know how to prepare. You laugh at her as you tell her to give you 5 minutes to get dressed. Your mind tries to think of what you should wear for tonight's party and there's only one thing you know, you definitely won't be wearing a dress. It's not that you hate them, you just don't feel comfortable. You end up deciding for a pair of jeans, your favorite black Vans and a white t-shirt. You wonder if you should wear your glasses or you contacts. You'll ask for Anya's opinion after dinner.

You tell your sister and niece about the game, both of them have nothing but pride on their eyes for you. Anya shakes your shoulders making you laugh. Tris smiles to you with her mouth full of meatballs and you should probably be disgusted but she's just a little child. Your sister asks you if the reason you dressed so well is because you're trying to impress someone at the party she let you go to. You only try to hide your blush by ignoring her eyes and looking down at your plate. Anya laughs loudly next to you. After dinner, as always you wash the dirty dishes as your sister gives a hot bath to her daughter. When Anya comes back with a tired look on her face you ask for her opinion about if you should wear your contacts or no.

She looks at you for a few moments before responding. "Why did I buy them for you if you're not wearing them?" Anya says with a knowing smirk on her face. Again, you only manage to blush. "Do you want me to pick you up?" Your sister asks you. You nod. "I'll be there at 1 am."

You're not sure of what you were expecting when you got out of your sister's car and walked into the house full of your drunk classmates. They don't even look at you and you tell yourself that you're just gonna get something to drink before someone recognizes you. Or before John Murphy sees you. You definitely don't want him to ruin your almost perfect day. The song playing is Sorry by Justin Bieber and you rolled your eyes because you're so tired of that song already. Everyone is always singing it, or its played on the radio everyday. You walk around the house ignoring the people making out on the dance floor and on the leather couch. You comb your hair with your shaky fingers - you're not sure why you're shaking - as you finally reach the kitchen. You take one of the red cups from the counter and look at all of the different liquors in front of you. You only recognize the black vodka so you decide to only drink a cup of it. When you're closing your lips around your cup you feel someone bumping their hips against yours making you drop your cup from your lips straight into your white t-shirt. Fuck.

You turn around and of course you see him with the typical smirk on his face. John stares at you and from the way his pupil are so dilated you tell yourself that he's either too drunk or maybe even high. Probably both. That was the weird aroma you smelt when you entered the house then.

"What are you even doing here," He says you're about to turn around and just leave like an idiot with your t-shirt soaked with black vodka when he takes a strong grip on your arm. "Oh no, there's no teachers around Woods, I'm gonna have my way with you now."

That's it, you think, you're so done with him.

You don't really remember what happened next, or how exactly happened. You just feel your hands shaking again and your knuckles are sore. You look down at your hands and see that they're covered in blood that is definitely not yours. You move them and you sigh when you don't feel too much pain. You've broken your wrist before when you were a child and this pain is definitely lighter. You get surprised when you hear some gasps around you because you thought everyone was too drunk to notice John Murphy unconscious on the floor in front of you probably with a broken nose. You suddenly feel sick and you're afraid you might throw up on his football jacket. When you look up you were definitely not expecting seeing her looking at you. Great. You probably scared Clarke Griffin off already. She's still wearing her cheerleader's uniform and you're convinced she looks even more beautiful with her blonde hair out of her usual ponytail. You use your not so white t-shirt anymore to wipe his blood from your hands and you promise that you won't show any sign of pain. But of course you do because it fucking hurts. When you whimpered you felt her soft hand taking yours and making you walk behind her. You're not sure where Clarke is taking you, but you tell yourself that you'd follow her until the end of the world.

When the blonde closed the bathroom door with her foot you sat on top of the toilet before looking down at your shoes. Thank god they're not covered in blood like your t-shirt. You're so embarrassed with yourself. You're not like this.

"I'm sorry." You whisper before you can stop yourself.

Without taking her eyes from the alcohol and cotton from her fingers Clarke asks you a question. "Why are you sorry?" She says as she drops to her knees in front of you and cleans the wounds from your knuckles. You smile softly, and you're not sure why. "I've wanted someone to kick Murphy's ass since the day I met him." She confesses and you can't help but let out a laugh. When Clarke Griffin laughs at her own joke you almost died because it's the first time you've heard her laughing for you.

"I wonder why I've never noticed you before." She says again and God, are you even awake at this point? You probably fell asleep after dinner.

You're convinced you're sleeping in your comfortable bed when you felt her lips on your neck. Then on the curve of your strong jaw. But when you closed your eyes and moved your head towards her, her soft lips finally touched yours and you're sure you're seeing stars. Her fingers get lost in your hair but not in the same way Tris' do. Because Clarke is pushing herself against you and pulling you even closer to her. Like if it was even possible. You lost it when her tongue traces your bottom lip.

"Fuck." You can't help but whisper. When you open your green eyes you see her giving you a smile. And there's something on her eyes you're not able to recognize. You wish you could though.

You're sure you're going to die right here and right now when she straddles one of your strong thighs. She lets out a soft moan when you push your leg up to get even closer to her. It's her turn to close her blue eyes as your lips are discovering her exposed and oh so soft neck. You don't know what to do with your hands so you just rest them on top of your knees, because you're afraid that if you touch her she might disappear or you'd wake up from the best dream of your life. It's her who takes your hands to interlock her fingers with yours. When your teeth close around her pulse point she moves your hands to her hips and grinds herself down on your thigh. That's how you learn that that's her weak spot.

You're not sure of where the sudden confidence came from but you find yourself pushing her uniform up trying to discover even more skin from her body. You're surprised when she lets you do it without protesting. You kiss her pulse point a few times as you're finally able to push your hands up and find the soft skin of her back against your sweaty palms. It's your turn to softly moan because you're not sure how can someone be so beautiful.

"Take it off." Clarke whispers against your temple and now you're convinced that you're probably already dead.

You tell yourself that you're not ready yet to see her exposed chest and that's the only reason why you don't take off her uniform. Not because you're afraid that she'd ask you to do the same with your ruined t-shirt and probably ask about your scars.

You close your eyes again as you let your fingers explore her soft back and your lips met hers again. Clarke whimpers when your tongue asks for permission to touch hers. But of course something has to happen to you. A loud knock on the door makes both you and Clarke nearly jump, you remove your hands from her uniform immediately and so fast that it was like her skin suddenly burned the tip of your fingers. Clarke took your hands and guided them to her own body again whispering to you to forget about the door because she locked it. This time, she doesn't let your hands touch her hips because she moves them lower and your hands are now strongly grabbing her ass. "Please." She whispers on top of your lips and you need to do something before you lose your mind.

But, of course, nothing can ever go right for you.

When you felt your phone vibrating in the back pocket of your jeans you let it ring because you were too busy reconnecting your lips with Clarke's. But then it's ringing again and the girl sitting on top of you groans, and you laugh. When you see your sister's name on your screen you panic thinking about the worst possible scenario. Clarke rests her head against your shoulder and kisses your neck as you pick up your still ringing phone. The voice of your sister is heard immediately.

"Lex I'm sorry but I can't go pick you up later," she says. "My boss just called me and he needs me to take a shift at the bar tonight." And you swear you nearly cried because Clarke was still on your arms waiting for you to finish the call.

"O-Okay." You say and if your sister noticed something different on your voice she doesn't say anything.

"I'll be there in 5."

You lock your phone as you put it back on you pocket. You look at Clarke's body who is still straddling your leg and kissing your neck and you wonder how you can tell her that you really need to leave because you have to look after your little niece. You don't want to tell her that your sister can't afford a nanny for her daughter because you're embarrassed. Clarke is nothing like you.

"I have to go." You say as you remove your hands from her body and she groans louder this time at the loss of contact. Clarke bites your neck when you try to stand up and push her off your lap. You whimpered when her teeth broke the sensitive skin around your pulse point.

"Sorry," she apologies as she looks at the now red and angry mark on your neck. "I didn't mean to do that."

"It's okay." You simply say, you fix your clothes in front of her as she does the same. "I really do have to go." Clarke looks at you and nods. "S-See you at school?" You ask avoiding her eyes. She cups your jaw with her soft hand and brings your lips to hers for a soft and fast kiss.

"See you this Monday." Clarke says and leaves the bathroom before you can.

You leave Raven's house with a soft smile still on your face because she basically told you you can talk to her at school next week, and when you get into your sister's car you use your hair to cover the mark on your neck. Anya just looks at you and rolls her eyes because of course she knows something happened inside that house.

The rest of your weekend was completely uneventful. You did your homework, you took your niece to the park and helped your sister around the house. The smile never disappeared. You're sure you slept with it still on your face. Tris doesn't know you went out that Friday night and you don't plan to tell her because she's still too little to understand. You were tempted to tell her about the girl you can't take off your head but you're not sure if you'd be able to handle thinking about her again.

You secure your bike at the school's parking lot next to all of the expensive cars your classmates can afford. When you see John Murphy with a still swollen nose you can't help but laugh to yourself. He doest even look at you because of course he was too high and drunk to remember anything from that night. The night that probably changed your whole life. You smile again as you check the time on the broken screen of your phone and see that you still have 15 minutes before your first period starts. You hope that Clarke is already at school so you can talk to her. You're obviously hopping to do something else with your mouth besides talking.

You see her next to Octavia Blake's older brother laughing. He's also a member of the football team so of course Murphy and his friends are also standing next to her. Your hands are already sweating as you get closer to the blonde offering her a soft smile.

"Hey." You say as you touch her exposed arm to catch her attention. When Clarke turns around to look at you suddenly everyone around you stopped laughing and started to look at your. "How are you?" You ask her again hoping to hear get soft voice speaking to you. But it's Murphy who begins laughing loudly and grabs his stomach like someone just told him the best joke in the world.

"What are you doing here, Woods." Clarke says and avoids looking at you as she removes your hand from her arm.

What?

"She asked you a question." Bellamy Blake says, you gulp.

"We... We talked on Raven's party." You say as you try to avoid everyone's eyes on you. Because of course everyone is staring at you and whispering between them. Why'd you talk to the captain of the cheerleaders when you're only a math nerd and soccer player who only played once on the 3 years you've spent on this school.

"Nope we didn't." Clarke says and this time she looks at your eyes. "Thank you for helping me with maths."

You unconsciously bring your hand to that spot on your neck, and when the tip of your fingers reach that still red and angry mark you know that it wasn't a dream. You're not sure if the tears forming on your soft green eyes are because you're embarrassed, John is still laughing and grabbing his stomach and the whole school is staring at you, or because you're angry. Or maybe because you're sad. Probably it's the mix of the three.

"S-Sorry for making you waste your time." You say and you're surprised that your voice still worked.

When you turn around you don't see her eyes staring at the back of your head as you look down at your dirt Vans avoiding everyone's eyes and laughs as you walk to the exit. You don't hear her telling John to shut up. You don't know how much she wishes she could wrap you in her arms.

You find yourself sitting in a bench on the park close to the school's building. You're not sure how long you've been crying because you finally realized that you are a completely idiot. She doesn't care about you and she never will. Clarke Griffin only wanted someone to make her feel something and you were there. You tell yourself that she maybe was drunk or something but then you remember that when you kissed her you didn't taste anything weird. Only something you thought it was love.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry this took me so long, last week was hell with school. I hope y'all had a great days! (Don't hate me with this chapter please haha, I swear we're getting there) 
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes I finished writing this at 4 am. Also, I was originally writing Octaven on this fic but Lincoln deserved some happiness as well ;(

You won't tell your sister that you skipped a whole day of school. She already has enough problems to worry about. You'll just go back tomorrow and ignore everything and everyone, maybe you'd ask to your friend for his notes on history class. It's the only class that you might have problems with. You only realize you've spent half of your day sitting in the bench when your stomach growls loudly, you haven't eat anything since this morning. You wipe your tears with your palm and it surprised you when you started crying again. Probably you never stopped. You didn't know you had so many tears left. You can't help but think about the last time you cried so much, it was when your best friend left your side. Costia didn't tell you she was moving across the country until the day you went to her house to the usually weekend sleepover and saw all of her things packed in the living room. Only her bed was left on her bedroom. The innocent and younger version of you asked excitedly to her if she was redecorating her house and even offered your help. She just shacked her head with tears in her eyes. It wasn't even her who told you she was leaving, your friend was too busy crying on your arms and her caring and sweet mother told you the news. At first you thought she was moving only until the year ended but when you saw new people moving into her empty house after 3 months it was when you realized she wouldn't be coming back. You remember being angry at first, because why'd your only friend leave you? But then the anger turned into sadness when you realized how alone you were again. It made you think about the 5 years you spent on that house. You don't remember too much about the first 7 years of your life besides the cold nights, the lack of food and how the other kids were always making fun of you.

When you get home you're surprised to see that Anya's car is nowhere to be seen. You frown. You open the door and all the lights are off, and your niece it's not there to be picked up. You let your backpack fall from your shoulders to the floor as you take your phone from your pocket. There's no missed calls from Anya, only a text from Lincoln asking where are you, he sent it this morning. It's 6:48 pm and your sister's shift at the gym should've been over already. Your stomach growls again and you sigh as you walk to the kitchen to get something to eat. You wash your hands on the sink before eating the bowl of milk and cereal you made for yourself sitting at the empty table. That's when you see a paper folded in front of you with your name written on it. It's your sister's handwriting.

 

_Lexa,  
Tris' teacher called. We'll be back in a few hours, can you make dinner?_

_Anya x_

 

You didn't realize you were holding your breath until you finished reading the small note. You don't stop chewing the cereal in your mouth as you bring one of your hands to rub your temples. Definitely not a good day. You thank god that your family is okay. As always, when you didn't see your sister's car, or when your niece wasn't there to welcome you from a long day, you pictured the worst case scenario. Your little family is everything you have. Also your entire happiness. You can't imagine living in a world without Anya and Tris.

You're washing the dishes you used to cook when the front door opens. Your niece's laughs can be heard immediately. And so does your sister's voice. There's a little smile on your face when you feel a pair of short arms wrapping around your left leg. You look down and of course the little girl's eyes are staring into yours, the big smile on her face warms your chest and makes you forget about this morning for a while.

"Leksa!" Tris says as you pick her up, she rests her head on your shoulder and sighs, her warm breath sightly tickling your neck. "I missed you today."

"Why am I not surprised you're making Mac and cheese again?" Says your sister with a short laugh. You shrug.

"Maybe you should teach me how to cook something else."

Anya laughs again as she takes her tired daughter from your arms, the little girl protests because she didn't want to be taken from your arms. You tell her that you're still a little busy making dinner and her favorite juice and she nods. Your sister looks straight into your eyes and you're not sure how you managed to avoid her eyes to stop the tears that were begging to come out. You blink a few times to fight them back into your eyes. Anya whispers something into her daughter's little ears and Tris mumbles "okay," before walking to her bedroom. When your sister wraps her arms around your shoulders and makes you sit on the couch you begin to sob softly in her arms, you obviously don't want your niece to see you like this. You don't want her to think you're an idiot just like everyone else does. Anya rubs your back as you cry on her neck. She doesn't ask what's disturbing you because she knows you won't tell her anyway. She just lets you cry on her arms until you calm down. When you convinced yourself that you won't be crying anymore you break apart from her and immediately notice the big wet spot on the white button up she wore to meet her daughter's teacher. You feel embarrassed of yourself once again.

"Sorry." You whisper as you use your t-shirt to wipe your wet cheeks. You can't look at your sister right now. You just want to disappear. "I'm going to take a shower, I'm not hungry." You say again, Anya wraps her strong arm around your shoulders and brings you close to her again.

"Okay," she says and gives you a soft kiss on your forehead. "I won't force you to talk to me, but you need to know that I'll always be here for you."

You let the hot water run down your body as you apply some shampoo in your hair. You weren't lying about not being hungry, after all you did eat some milk and cereal before your sister got home, but you do know that maybe telling Anya about Clarke won't be that bad. You're just afraid your sister might think you were a fool for thinking you could have had a chance with the most popular girl at school. Who also happens to be the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. You're afraid that your sister would ask too many questions, and you're not ready to tell her yet that you've been in love with the blonde since the first time your green eyes saw her. You close your eyes and you're glad that the water coming down your face allows you to hide your salty tears.

When you finish drying your hair you put on some clothes to sleep, an oversized shirt, boy shorts, sports bra and sweatpants. It's a cold day after all. You walk into the living room, the funny noise your flip flops are making is the only thing you hear, but then there's Tris' laughs. The little girl is sitting on her mom's lap as Anya braids her hair to bed. She's telling her mother about a new boy on her class and how funny he is because he makes jokes all the time, Anya nods and hums as her fingers work on the girl's soft hair. You know how soft her hair is because you braid it sometimes too and when she wakes up in the middle of the night she always ask you if you can stroke it with your strong fingers because it helps her to relax. You clear your throat and your sister smiles sadly at you. You feel guilty again, you don't want her to worry about you. You're _fine,_ just tired of everything.

"I've to go to work, baby," you hear your sister whispering close to her daughter's ear, the little girl nods with a sad smile on her face. "Can you help her to go to bed, kiddo?" Anya says looking at you. "I'm already a few minutes late."

You nod as you take your tired niece in your arms. Tris wraps her legs around your waist and her arms around your neck. Anya kisses her daughter's head and your cheek. You blush, she laughs softly. She says goodnight to both of you and takes her bag from the couch. As always, you check that she closed and locked the door before turning off the lights from the kitchen and the small living room. Tris sighs when you use one of your arms to support her little body to your chest as you bend down to pick up your backpack from the floor. She mumbled something you couldn't understand and with a laugh you ask her to say it again. The tired little girl shakes her head as an answer, you laugh softly again.

You lay her down gently on the bed in your sister's room, Tris sighs as she puts the covers up on her small body. You check that the window is closed to avoid the cold air inside the bedroom and close the curtains. You rub your eyes as you yawn. You didn't realize you were this tired until now. You take one last look at your niece and you're about to leave the room to let her sleep until tomorrow when her soft and tired voice stops you.

"Will you stay with me, pwease?" She whispers with her eyes still closed. You nod because how can you say no to her?

You don't get under the covers so you can easily leave to your own bed when the little girl falls asleep, but once you're next to her, Tris immediately cuddles to your side. She wraps her arm around your waist and rests her head on your chest. When you begin to softly play with her braided hair, she sighs. You can't help but smile because even when she's not trying, your niece always manages to make your day better. You forget about all the time you spent crying on the park close to your school, about the eyes of everyone looking at you, about the laughs. Everything. And the only thing Tris had done is hugging you.

"How was your day, Leksa?" She murmured as a yawn escaped from her rosy lips.

You forgot about everything until this moment.

"It was boring," you tell her as your fingers stroke her hair. You're not completely lying. "How about yours, little monkey?"

She laughs softly at the nickname. You gave it to her when she was only barely 2 years old because she used to spent most of her day latched to either her mom's or your arms. You never complained, in fact, it made you felt loved. Something you don't always feel. Tris mumbles her answer because she's too tired to actually speak, but she also doesn't want to fall asleep yet. She's trying her best to stay awake as she tells you about how much she played in the swings with her friends and how many things she learned today. You occasionally say something like, "that's so cool." Or "I wish I could have done that with you!" And when you see the tired smile on her face, and her hazel eyes closed, you allow yourself to close your eyes as well because you're probably as tired as the little girl in your arms is.

And again, that's how your sister finds you at 6 am the next morning. You opened your eyes and almost jumped from the bed scared because the front door was being opened and you still thought it was midnight. When Anya's face appeared on the doorframe your heartbeat went back to normal and you sigh. She gives you a weird look and you were about to answer when Tris snored loudly, making both you and Anya laugh softly. You look at the tired little girl still sleeping on your chest and you see that she even drooled on your t-shirt but you couldn't care less. You smile at her as your sister carefully removed her from your arms trying avoid waking her up. Tris doesn't need to wake up until at least 2 more hours, she goes to school at 9:30 am. Unlike you, who has to get up now and take a shower, you don't want to be late today. It's only Tuesday, and you're not sure if you want to stay to soccer practice.

"I'll start some coffee," says Anya. "Get there before it gets cold."

You look at her as you playfully roll your eyes earning a soft punch on your arm from your older sister. You laugh and you're happy that at least today started well. You walk slowly to the bathroom as you rub your eyes trying to erase all of the sleep from your body. You decide that it's too cold outside to take a cold shower so you'll take a hot one instead. You let your muscles relax with the hot water and the soap. You wash the shampoo from your hair with your fingers as you mumble a song you heard yesterday on your way to school with your new white earphones.

With the towel still wrapped around your soaked body and your hair dripping on your bed you put on some socks and underwear siting on the corner of your comfortable bed. You let the towel fall to the wood floor right after you put your black boy shorts and sports bra. You put on your favorite pair of jeans and your not so white anymore Vans. You dry your hair with your towel and finally you put on your Nike t-shirt.

Anya is already sitting at the table with her mouth full of eggs and bacon. She takes a sip from her coffee and moves her hand motioning you to sit in front of her. As soon as you're sitting, the smell from your coffee with cream and sugar invades your nose. Your stomach growls immediately. You take a piece of bread and you use the spoon that was inside your coffee to put on some eggs and bacon on your bread. You nearly moaned when you tasted your food.

"Someone's hungry." Anya says, you look at her and she's playfully smirking at you. She takes another sip from her coffee and you're relieved to see that her knuckles aren't swollen or red this morning. She had a nice night.

"Shut up." You mumble with your mouth full of food.

"You'll stay to practice with the team, right?" She asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "I can pack you more food for today's lunch."

You don't want to lie to your sister but you're not sure if you're ready to face your teammates again. No. You are ready to see them. You're eager to get in the field again. You want to make your family proud by getting a regular spot on the starters, and you want to play next game. You're just not ready to see her. But you try to convince yourself that the fear of seeing Clarke again shouldn't be too strong, because you're not sure if there's something she can do to broke your heart again. You can take the laughs or stares from the people at school, you're used to them already. And your heart can't get more broken. So you nod at your sister.

"Yeah," you say as you take the last sip of your coffee. "I want to play next game and coach needs to see me at practice."

You're not able to recognize the proud look on your sister face, because you're too busy chewing the last part of your bread to look at her, and looking at the broken screen of your phone. You don't know how proud she is of you and everything you've done. Anya stands up from her chair at the same time you do, and after you pick up your backpack from the couch she wraps you in her strong arms. You hide your face on her soft neck as she kisses the top of your head.

"I'm so, so proud of you Lex." She says and you swear you nearly _cried_. "I'll go make your lunch." Anya says before kissing your head again. She disappears inside the kitchen again leaving you standing in the middle of the living room with a smile on your face. Until now, today has been extremely good.

You're glad that you're early today because no one is there to make fun of you. Especially John Murphy because he's always late to his first period on Tuesdays. You know because you're there with him at English class. You open your locker and a small note fell from inside. You frown. You look down and the pink paper it's right next to your shoes. You couldn't be more confused. You bend down to pick it up and of course you recognize the little heart next to her name.

 

_Meet me in the girls bathroom on free period?  
C  <3_

 

But of course this was from yesterday so you let it fall again from your hand as you angrily close your locker, and without even taking your books you walk to the classroom looking down at your shoes.

As expected, while sitting on the back of the class you see Murphy entering the room without looking at the teacher. He sits in the only free chair right in front of the class. You couldn't help but laugh because professor Pike always makes questions to the front row. Idiot. You continue working on your math homework, because of course you forgot to do it last night before falling asleep with Tris, ignoring the teacher completely. That's when you hear your phone with a notification. You forgot to put in on silent!

"Something to share with the class, miss Woods?" The teacher says as he looks straight to you. And of course, everyone turned around to look at you. You couldn't be more embarrassed.

"No, mr. Pike." You mumble. You're convinced your cheeks look just like a tomato. They're burning.

"Good. Now give me your phone or turn it off." You do the second alternative he gave you without even looking at the screen.

As always, you can say that you had fun at math class with Mr. Kane. He gave you some extra sheets with exercises because you asked for some to get ready for the finals in a few weeks. You just didn't expect to see _her_ sitting next to you again. Clarke sat in the table next to you, and not because the teacher told her. She just thought she could sit next to you in the usual free spot. No one wants to sit next to you because you're always resolving the complicated exercises and making questions to the teacher. Or even sometimes giving him the answers of the equations he writes in the board in front of everyone. But when Clarke touched your thigh under the table you almost dropped your pencil from your hand straight to the floor. You tried to move your chair to your left because you can't be this close to her, but when you moved your leg, her hand moved along with your body. You can't look at her. Because she probably has this weird look on her face that you can't recognize, so you just bite your lip trying to control yourself because this it's _too much_. She basically makes you look like an idiot in front of everyone yesterday and now she's caressing your thigh? You take a quick look at her and see that she's writing something in the corner of her notebook. When the bell sounded, you stand as fast as you can from the chair and take your things before even putting them back in your backpack. You leave the classroom without saying goodbye to the teacher and before Clarke can talk to you again. You didn't see the disappointed look on her face before you left the room.

You sit alone at lunch again, you take a sip from your apple juice box Anya gave you this morning and a bite of your tuna sandwich. You chew in silence as you look at the rest of the school laughing or talking to each other. This is when you always think that having another friend besides Lincoln, who's always busy at lunch but never tells you why, wouldn't be so bad. You think that maybe having someone sitting with you complaining about their day could even be fun. Or just someone to occasionally talk to.

You were not prepared to feel someone punching your back making you drop a half of your sandwich to the floor. You slowly count to ten, you close your eyes and you're about to leave the cafeteria when you felt another punch in your back, this time, it hurts way more than the first one. You turn around and of course, there's him.

"What the fuck do you want," you whisper while closing your fists trying to control your anger. You're not like this, you're not like this, _you're not like this_. Murphy looks at you and you wish you could laugh at his broken nose.

"Why were you laughing this morning, huh? You think you're too funny?" He says as he gets closer to your face. You can smell the cigarette on his breath. "Are you gonna answer me?"

You laugh. And you're not sure if it is because of his face or how ridiculous he is.

"Everyone was laughing." You say, you slowly turn around to grab your things and just leave the cafeteria to eat outside, no matter how cold today is. You'd rather catch a cold instead of still being here.

But of course he had to grab your wrist with all of his strength. You wish you didn't had show any pain, because of course he laughs at you again. You realize it took him longer today though.

"Let me go," you whisper trying to control your voice. You don't want to show up to soccer practice today with another cut above your eyebrow or something worst. You can't. You want to play next game. But Murphy is still grabbing your wrist with all of his strength and he's not letting go anytime soon. Until, you hear _her_ voice.

"Murphy!" Clarke says as she runs to your side, she was probably just entering the cafeteria. "Bellamy is looking for you. He said something about practice tomorrow, I don't remember." She says and John gives your wrist a hard squeeze before letting go. You bring your hand close to your chest and softly move your hand looking for any damage. Thank god the only thing you felt was soreness on your wrist. You use your free hand to caress the sore skin.

"I was kinda busy, Griffin." John says. Clarke stares at him and he sighs. "This is not over." Murphy points his finger at you and you wish he couldn't make you so uncomfortable.

Without another word you sit down again to finish your sandwich and your juice. You have gym class after and you don't want to pass out or have your stomach growling while you run. You also don't know if you should thank the blonde because she probably left already, why'd she stay anyway? She probably has more important things to do than talking to you. And you tell yourself you aren't sure if you're ready to talk to her again. Of course she didn't do it to help you, maybe the older Blake indeed was looking for John Murphy. You turn to your side as you chew the food inside your mouth and you're not surprised to see that Clarke is not longer next to you. Obviously.

A few minutes later and after finishing your lunch you wonder if you should leave immediately or just sit here to rest for a little. You decide to take the second option. You take your phone from your pocket to check what time it is and you see that there's barely 20 minutes left before you have your next class. You play the new game your downloaded a few days ago and get a little frustrated when you can't pass the level. You were really surprised when someone sat next to you with their tray of food. You tell yourself it's probably because the cafeteria is full and maybe they didn't find another free seat. Yes, that's it. You pause your game and look up from the broken screen of your phone only to see Clarke Griffin there looking at you with a soft smile on her face. You're not sure if it's because you should change your glasses or something, but you wonder if she really did blush when you caught her staring at you.

"Sorry, I had to buy my lunch," she says as her shaky hand takes half of her deli sandwich. It looks delicious. You wish you could've bought it too. This time it's her who catches you staring at her. "Are you okay?" Clarke asks. You had to think for a few moments what she was talking about, because of course you forgot about the pain in your wrist when you saw her smiling at you. It only came back when she mentioned it.

"Y-yeah." You clear your throat. "I should go." You mumble as you pick up your trash, but Clarke touches your exposed arm sending a shiver down your spine. Shit.

"Please don't, I don't know where Octavia is and Raven is busy with her physics homework." She doesn't removes her soft hand from your arm and you wish she could leave it there for the rest of your life.

You bite your lip at the same time she bites her sandwich and you almost find it funny. When you nodded, she smiled again at you. You push your glasses up your nose as you think about what you can do for the rest of the lunch time looking for an excuse to avoid her blue eyes. Besides you know that you shouldn't trust her. But then you remember that there's nothing she can do to make you feel worst. You take out your math worksheets and your copybook because the numbers always make you relax, and if you're so close to the blonde you need anything that helps you slow down your heartbeat. A few minutes after, you feel Clarke's hand leaving your arm and you wish you could tell her that you wanted her hand there because it's so soft, but then it's on your thigh again. You try to concentrate on your exercises, but you just can't. Her hand it's so soft. You can even feeling through the material of your jeans. You look up from your copybook but she's not looking at you. She's busy texting someone with her free hand and occasionally eating her green apple. When the bell rang, just like you did in math class, you stand up as fast as you can and this time Clarke looks at you surprised for a moment. Maybe you scared her. Fuck.

"I-I have gym class, sorry. I gotta go." You say as you put your things back inside your backpack. Clarke stands as well and she takes your trash and puts it in her tray with hers. This time you do have to say thank you because your older sister taught it to you when you were little. "Thanks." You whisper with a little smile to her direction. Clarke looks at you for a moment before smiling too. She comes closer to you and you suddenly forgot how to breath. Clarke leaves a little piece of paper in front of you and you wonder where did it came from because her cheerleader uniform does not have pockets. Maybe she had it on her pink bag. Who knows.

"Bye Lexa." Clarke says and smiles, she leaves without another word. She takes her tray and you see her disappear between the rest of the students.

You put your things inside your backpack and the little piece of paper inside the pocket of your jeans. You decide to read it after gym class. It's probably nothing important.

You don't really like gym class because you always end up working alone. None of your classmates ever pick you as their partner to do some basic basketball training, or soccer, even if they know that you're on the school's team. And the teacher it's not better. You take a quick shower without washing your hair in the locker rooms after and you put on the clothes you were wearing this morning. You pack your dirty work out clothes on your backpack and make a mental note not to forget washing them tonight. You leave without another word to your classmates who are too busy talking about how hot the guys from the football team are. You roll your eyes. You let your backpack hang on your left shoulder as you walk back to the school's building. That's when you remember the piece of paper Clarke left in front of you at lunch. You have Spanish class now and then the classes are over. Only soccer practice. So you decide to read the paper once you get to the classroom.

Spanish class is easy, so after finishing the worksheet the teacher gave to each student when the class started you look at the clock in the wall and see that there's only a few minutes left. You wonder if next semester you should switch to French class because after 3 years you're sure you already know what you need about Spanish already. And everyone says French it's cool. Maybe you will. You're putting your stuff in your backpack after you heard the bell and when you take your phone from your pocket you didn't notice the paper Clarke gave you at lunch falling from pocket. You wave at the old teacher when you're leaving the classroom and the woman smiles warmly at you.

"There you are!" Lincoln says as you're taking your soccer bag from your locker. He looks excited for something. "Can you help me with math's homework for tomorrow? Please?" He says but you're sure there's something he's not telling you.

"Uh, sure." You nod, he hugs you briefly. He knows you don't like physical contact too much. "But I still have soccer practice," you look at him, he gives you the _I know_ look. You laugh. "If you give me a ride home after you can stay over for a few hours. I'm sure Anya won't mind."

"I'll be in the bleachers."

Just like your friend promised, he's there cheering for you. Lincoln is yelling your name every time you your feet touch the soccer ball. Even if you pass it to Octavia and she's the one who scores. You make sure coach it's not looking at you when you show your middle finger to your friend. He laughs loudly. You promised to yourself when you were changing your clothes in the locker room and you wouldn't look at the cheerleaders practicing. But you can't help yourself. Because Clarke's voice it's so beautiful and raspy that you can't just ignore it. And of course she catches you looking at her and gives you a wink. You almost forgot you had the ball until a defender tried to tackle you from your left side, you fell because you were distracted. The girl is apologizing to you immediately because you know coach told them that you can't get injured. Neither can Octavia Blake. The team you guys are facing on Friday is one of the best in the estate.

"That could've been a yellow card, Monroe!" You hear coach yell as your teammate, you just learned her name it's Monroe, helps you get up from the cold grass. "Be careful!"

"Sorry." The girl says, you shrug.

"It's fine."

You're sure you've never been so sweaty after practice, and it's weird because it's really cold outside. You think it might rain tonight but that's cool. You've always loved the rain, especially when you were a kid because your sister always took you to the park so you could run under the rain until your hair was dripping and your clothes completely soaked. Anya always helped you to take a hot bath after and she used to made you hot chocolate with marshmallows. It was always hard to fall asleep at night those days. You had too much energy, but your sister never complained. Lincoln makes a disgusted and funny face when you use your own jersey to wipe the sweat off your forehead as you walk towards him. You show him your middle finger again and he laughs loudly.

"I'd invite you to the locker room but, no." You say and he laughs. You join him laughing as well. "I'll be out in a few. I'm just gonna get my stuff and I'll shower at home." Your friend nods.

"Just hurry up, my ass is freezing." He jokes, you laugh again.

You discretely look to your side only to see that the cheerleaders already left. You think you shouldn't feel disappointed.

Lincoln guides you to where he parked his truck this morning, his mother, Indra, gave it to him last year for his 16th birthday. When it's raining you catch a ride with him and he doesn't mind. In fact, he likes it because you always choose the music and as much as he doesn't want to admit it, he loves your favorite band Twenty One Pilots. You're sure he even bought their last album when it came out. He helps you with your bike as you climb on the passenger seat. You regret only putting on your favorite hoodie and not changing your soccer shorts because it's so cold even inside your friend's car. Lincoln puts on his seatbelt as you take your phone and plug it to the radio. He gives you a knowing look as soon as the song _Stressed Out_ begins to sound on the speakers. You both sing the chorus as loud as you guys can with big smiles on both your faces. You laugh as Lincoln tries to rap the lyrics.

Anya welcomes you both with a hug and as soon as you pick up your niece she smiles at your friend. He makes a silly face that makes the little girl giggle.

"Linc!" Tris says as he takes her from your arms, your niece touches your friend's shaved head. "Missed you!"

You tell Anya that Lincoln needs help with math homework and she just nods with a smile. She tells you dinner will be ready soon and as you follow her into the kitchen leaving your friend alone with the 5 year old, she's probably making him comb her barbies' hair already, alone in the leaving room. Your sisters asks you about soccer practice and you tell her about falling and she laughs softly. You help her to set the table as she checks the lasagna in the oven. Your favorite.

Lincoln is sitting in front of you and he's telling Anya how funny it was when you fell to your ass in the middle of the field. Even though your sister tells him to behave on his language and looks at her daughter who's too busy eating and getting sauce on her face. You smile as you wipe her cheeks with your thumbs, Tris looks at you with her caring eyes and you smile at her.

"I'm serious Anya, it was so funny!" Lincoln says again as he takes the last sip of his juice.

"I bet it was funny how you froze in the bleachers as well." You joke making everyone in the table laugh.

After Anya left Tris begged you to stay up for a few more hours because she wanted to spend time with you and Lincoln. You told her that you guys had homework and she pouted. You ended up saying yes because you know that she'll probably fall asleep sitting on your lap in a few hours anyway. Lincoln takes his maths book and notebook and this time he sits to your left. He's trying to understand the exercises but it's hard for him. He's better at History and English class. You explain the exercise to him a few times until he finally understands it and resolves it. It wasn't that hard after all. Tris is sitting on your lap playing with your phone when a message from an unknown number comes to view on the screen. You frown and take the phone from your niece's hands, the little girl yawns. You take a look at your friend who's too focused on his homework to notice the message on your screen.

_Hey, I hope I have the right number_ you read, you were about to reply when you get another message _sorry this is Clarke_

How on earth did she get your number? You wonder if you should reply as you bite your lip. You don't notice you're staring at your phone until Tris touches one of your hands to catch your attention.

"Leksa I'm tired," she yawns again, you smile down at her softly. "Can you carry me?"

You tell Lincoln you'll be right back as you lock your phone's screen and stand up from your chair with your niece breathing on your neck. The little girl plays with your braided hair and you walk to her mom's bedroom. When you're closing the curtains you look at the little girl and you laugh softly because she's already asleep. Your friend finished a few exercises already when you get back and you're surprised when he suddenly closes his book.

"I need to tell you something," he says as he plays with his pencil between his fingers.

"Spill." You say as you sit in front of him.

He looks at you before saying, "I think I might be dating someone." He says with a big smile on his face.

"Think?" You smirk at him.

"Uh yeah, it's not official, I asked her on a date today at lunch and she said yes." Lincoln says. You smile at your friend because of course you're happy for him, he deserves happiness.

"Who's the unlucky girl?" You joke making him laugh.

"Octavia Blake, you know? Bellamy's sister?" He says but you can't think of an answer because of course it makes you think about _her_ , and the unanswered messages on your phone. "Your teammate?" He tries again and you nod.

"Oh yeah, yeah." You say as you smile a little for your friend. "She's hot." You joke again and he laughs louder this time, and you wonder if he just woke up your niece.

Before your friend leaves he hugs you and thanks you for helping him with his homework, you shrug and tell him that if he ever needs anything you'd be there. But he already knew that, because what are friends for?

After he left you locked the front door and made sure that your niece was still asleep. You take a hot shower after because you were still sweaty from practice. You decide to put on some pajamas today because it's a cold night. You turn off the lights from your bedroom and as you lay down on your bed, you nearly jumped when you heard your phone with a new notification. You really should leave it on silent all day. It's another message from the unknown number, Clarke.

_Lexa?_ It reads, you gulp because you completely forgot about this new conversation on your phone. You wonder if you should ask her how she got your number. So you do it before you can regret your decision.

_How did u get my number_ you press the send button and a few seconds add: _??_

Not even a minute later you get a reply from the blonde. _Stole it from Octavia's phone_ you think for a few minutes how or why she would have your number, and that's when you remember that the team has a group chat that you never talk on. _it was the only unsaved number lucky me haha_ she jokes and a few seconds after she sends the wink emoji. You don't know that to reply. So you just send a _:)_

And after that, you turn off your phone because you're too tired and you just want to sleep. You tell yourself that it's not because Clarke Griffin makes you nervous. Obviously.

Wednesday was a good day. For some reason you didn't see John Murphy today so you showed up at practice without any injury. You weren't surprised this time when coach told you you were going to play on Friday, but it still made you smile and put on a proud look on your sister's face. Also your niece was so happy it was unbelievable, she kept saying "you deserve it!" and "you're gonna score sooooo many goals!" Over and over again. The messages from Clarke didn't stop, but you also didn't see her that day. You remember reading something about her wishing you a good practice that day. Maybe you're wrong. Thursday was slow but not bad. Lincoln sat with you at lunch and he shared the donut he bought with you. It was delicious, you regret telling him to not buy you one. You told him about the game you were playing tomorrow and admitted that you were nervous, is one of the best teams in the state after all, he squeezed your shoulder and told you that you'll be fine. You're finishing your juice box when your phone vibrated on the table. You see that it's a message from Clarke, you saved her number only with the letter C, asking you if you could help her with something. You reply with a _sure, where r u_ and when your friend asks you who you're texting you blush and tell him that it was only a notification from a game. He looks at you with a smirk on his face, but you don't reply to him because you just got another message.

_girls bathroom_

Your back hits the door as soon as you enter the bathroom, and a pair of cold lips find your neck immediately. You close your eyes because you shouldn't be letting this happen, not here at least, but when Clarke bites your pulse point you push your thoughts out of your mind as your cold hands find her hips. Your mind keeps telling you that's she's probably just using you again but you couldn't care less as her lips met yours. They're not longer cold because your neck it's burning from her touch. You wonder if you do the same to her.

"Hi." Clarke whispers after a few kisses. You give her a little smile. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for the way I acted past Monday," she says and you're surprised she brought the topic. "I was, uh... Just kinda scared about how my friends could react." She says as she bites her lip. You stare at her mouth for longer than you should, and you find yourself wanting to be the one biting her lip. So you do. And you forget about replying to her apology.

Clarke hands get lost in your hair as you kiss her with everything you have. And you almost didn't hear the bell ringing as her tongue explored your mouth.

"Let's skip class," she mumbles against your lips, you think about her idea for a second but then you remember that you both have math class now. You can't skip it. "We could go somewhere else." Clarke says again, but you shake your head, she pouts and reminds you of your niece.

"I can't skip math." You say and it's the first time you say something to her today. "Maybe another day."

Clarke sits again next to you and when professor Kane said to the class that they could work in pairs, Clarke moved her chair closer to yours but you tell yourself it's because she needs to understand maths and not because she wants to be this closer to your body. She rubs her eyes as you explain her a particular hard exercise and asks you to start over again, you sigh before you do what she asked you. It's you who ended up resolving the exercise as she texted someone on her phone. When you raised your hand to ask for help to the teacher you felt your phone vibrate on your pants and it took you by surprise. Clarke laughs softly and squeezes your knee before the teacher could reach your table.

After all of your classmates leaved the classroom, only you and Clarke were left, Mr. Kane wraps one of his arms around your shoulders and asks you how have you been lately. You tell him you've been fine and focused on the soccer team, he tells you he's coming tomorrow to watch the team play. You smile and wave at him as you leave the classroom. Clarke follows you right behind, even when you're walking to your locker to get your soccer bag with your uniform you washed last night before going to bed.

"I'll see you on the field." Clarke says and looks around only to find the halls empty. She gives you a quick kiss on your cheek that left you blushing as you watched her walk to the exit. You didn't expect her to look back at you and blow you another kiss.

Game day was already here and you were so nervous last night that you couldn't fall asleep until 1 am. And that's not good because you can barely keep your eyes open now. You fall asleep in the middle of History class for the first time in a year. Lincoln woke you up when he moved your chair making you fall. He laughed loudly as you got up and gave him a dead glare. But he kept laughing. You were too busy putting your things back in your backpack to notice Clarke staring at you with a worried look.

You sit alone at lunch because Lincoln said he had something to do and you saw Clarke sitting in the table in front of you laughing loudly with her friends. You wish you could sit with her. You were chewing your cookies when your phone vibrated on the table. You unlocked it with your free hand as you take a sip from your juice only to find a message from Clarke.

_i wanted to sit with u :c_

Unconsciously you look up from your phone and you see her looking at you. You smile at Clarke and she blushes, then she turns around to look at Raven as the brunette said something that made their whole table laugh. Including John who was eating an orange. You sigh as you bring your attention back to your cookies and pineapple juice.

You tie your cleats sitting on the bench and you only take off your hoodie when coach calls the team for a quick pep talk. You look around and the bleachers are full of people from your school you don't recognize. The cheerleaders are already performing their routine on the field and you wanted to look at Clarke until you could find her eyes but you need to be focused on the game. Coach says how important this game is because it could take the team to the finals and you get a little more nervous with his words. The team yells your school's name and run to the field to their positions. Octavia gives you a little nod and pass you the ball when the referee started the game.

Your team is losing 2-0 as the first half ended. Everyone looks pissed and no one talks to anyone in the locker room. You sit on your spot and you cover your sweaty face with your hands. You take a deep breath as you wipe the sweat from your forehead and neck with your jersey. You look around and everyone is either drinking water or staring down at their cleats. Your phone suddenly rings because you decided to take off the silent mode after the classes were over. You look and it's a text from your sister.

_I hope the game it's going well!_ It reads, and then another message also from her. _Don't answer this until the game it's over._ You roll your eyes and laugh softly. You're putting your phone back on your bag when it sounds still on your hand.

This time, it's a message from Clarke _. wait for me until the locker room's empty after the game_ and you wonder why'd she like to talk about now.

In the 55th minute, you scored. Your team received a corner kick and your head made contact with the ball. You feel your teammates jumping on your back and Octavia high fives you with a big smile on her face. You hear the cheerleaders shouting your school's name loud again, and a few times you hear your name as well. And again, you swear Clarke yelled it louder. Not a long after you scored one of your opponents got a yellow card after hitting you with her elbow on your nose. The card wasn't going to stop the bleeding coming from your nose though. Coach calls you to the sidelines as you touch your nose to inspect any damage. You're relieved when it didn't hurt too bad. The old man asks you if you want to be subbed and you shake your head, you ask for some water though and something to wipe off the blood. As he hands you what you requested you see that the other team nearly scored. Thank good your team's keeper sends it to a corner. You run into the field immediately to help clear the ball and you don't see Clarke with a worried look on her face as she follows every movement you do on the field. You're almost on the box when someone tackles you from behind, you fall to your side and end up with some pain on your left wrist. You wish your opponent waited just another second so you could've got a penalty kick. But the free kick it's enough to for Octavia, because she sends the ball on the top corner of the net and ties the game at the 78th minute. The other team gets another yellow card when you tried to pas the ball to one of your teammates and someone grabbed your jersey and nearly took it off as you fell again. You're convinced they hate you by the time the game ended.

The team it's not really happy with the results but it's better than losing. You're now sitting on the locker room as one of the school's nurses checks your nose. You've tell the old woman like five times that you're fine earning a few laughs from your teammates. Especially from Octavia who's taking off her uniform to shower. When the nurse finishes cleaning your nose and checking your wrist, you see that the locker room it's almost empty. Monroe and the still injured Harper are the only ones left. They're busy talking to each other and occasionally laughing and smiling. Sometimes you wonder if they're dating. You take your clothes from your bag and when you see your phone you remember Clarke's message, so you wait until your teammates leave the locker room after saying goodbye to you. Not even 5 minutes after they left you see Clarke entering the locker room and tuning to your side. She sits next to you and cups your cheeks making you look at her.

"Are you okay?" She asks as she moves your head to the side to inspect your nose. You nod. The worried look leave her face when you smile softly. "The team would be lost without you." Clarke says with a smile of her own.

"Nah," you say. "They did well when I was on the bench." You joke making her laugh.

"Whatever you say." She says as she uses her hands on your cheeks to bring you closer to her. Clarke closes the distance between her face and yours as she kisses your lips softly. Maybe she's worried she might hurt your nose.

You're not sure what you guys are doing. She kisses you sometimes and texts you when you get home everyday. You wonder if you should ask her out like your friend did with the girl he likes, but you don't have the confidence. You don't have it at all.

It's you who asks for entrance on her mouth and she accepts immediately. It's you who brings her even more close to you, making her straddle your lap with her legs on both sides of your body. It's you who frees her hair from her pony tail as she sucks your bottom lip. But she's the first one moaning when your mouth found her weak spot on her soft neck. It's her who brings your hands down from her hips to her ass. This it's not like last Friday when you were too nervous to touch her. Maybe you do have confidence, but you're afraid she might reject your date. So you just focus on her body as she grinds down on your thighs as you bite her the spot where her neck meets her shoulder, it'll probably leave a purple mark but you couldn't care less. You use your hands and close your eyes as you push up her uniform to finally find the skin on her back. You muffle your moan on her neck.

"Take it off," she says and it's feels like a deja vu. "Come on, please." She whispers with a husky voice against your temple and this time, you do send her uniform to the floor. You wonder if she'll get cold.

You open your eyes as you look at her exposed chest. Your throat gets dry and you think how can she be so beautiful. You mumble, "You're so beautiful." Before moving all of your attention to her boobs. You tell yourself you love boobs. No. You love _her_ boobs. Clarke throws her head back and tangles her fingers on your hair as your mouth finds one of her cold nipples.

"Fuck," she says as you free her nipple from your mouth to kiss her again. Her fingers move from your hair to your still sweaty neck. You think that maybe you should've took a shower before she got here. "I love how sweaty you're right now." She says against your lips before kissing you again.

You decide to use your hands again so you squeeze her ass as hard as you can taking her by surprise. She smirks against your lips but you can't see her eyes because you're already moving back to her chest. God you love boobs. You're softly biting the skin on her chest and her moans are like the best song you've ever heard. She tugs your hair and it hurts just a little but you don't care. Because you're too busy staring at her pink lace panties and resting your forehead on top of her chest. Right where you can feel her fast heartbeat. You're surprised when she moves your right hand from her ass to her abdomen. You look up to her and you're surprised when you see how dilated her pupils are. You can barely see her blue eyes and you wonder if your eyes looks like hers.

"Please," she whispers as she moves your hand further down until you can feel the lace on your fingertips. She guides your hand down until you feel a wet spot and you nearly _died_. You closed your eyes as her forehead met your shoulder. Her low moan sent chills down your spine.

You've never done this before so you have no idea what you're doing. But you don't want to tell her because you know she had a boyfriend, a boy called Finn, last year but he already graduated. Plus the whole school knew he was cheating on her. You wonder how could he be so stupid. You try not to think that this might not be Clarke's first time like it is for you as you push your hand inside her underwear. This time you moaned with her when your fingers touched what you're sure it's the softest thing in the world. Clarke bites your neck and you ignore the pain as you let your fingers explore the wetness inside her underwear. When your palm accidentally made contact with her probably very sensitive clit she moaned so loud you think that maybe someone could come in and catch you like this with her.

"Shh," you whisper as your free hand draws figures on her soft and exposed back. She shivers in your arms. "I've got you." You say a little louder as you push two fingers inside of her making her bite your shoulder. She's so wet and warm that you couldn't help but bite your lip and close your eyes as you move your fingers in and out of her.

She moans in your ear and occasionally bites your earlobe trying to control the sounds coming out from her mouth. Not long after you fastened your wrist movements, because Clarke asked, she's clenching around your fingers and whispering your name as you kiss her cheeks and wait for her to come down from her high. You take your fingers out of her slowly and she kisses you when your hand was out of her underwear. Clarke brings your hand up to her mouth and sucks your fingers off and it's probably the hottest thing you've ever experienced. You nearly died as a soft moan escaped your mouth.

"That was amazing," she whispers after you take your fingers out from her mouth. "We need to do it again sometime." She says as she takes her uniform from the floor and that's when you hear the rain outside. You were too busy exploring Clarke's body to notice it's raining. She tries to stand from your lap but she laughs and grabs your shoulders for support and tells you she can't feel her legs.

"Sorry." You say as you join her laughs. You decide to be a good person and you help her to put on her uniform back and when you see how exposed her body will be to the rain you take your hoodie from your bag and you tell her to put it on as well. She looks at you like you just saved her life. You kiss her when she's done dressing and you feel something in your chest when you see her using your clothes.

She doesn't leave the locker room when you went to shower because you see her talking on her phone when you come back only with a pair of boxers and sports bra on. She looks at you and she smirks ignoring the person on the other side of the line. You give her a little smile as you put on your jeans, Vans and your blue flannel. Lincoln gave you a ride to school this morning and you look for coins on your bag to take the bus home. You're relieved when you find enough more to get home. You're zipping your bag when Clarke wraps her arms around your waist from behind.

"You look so gay," she whispers in your ear, you laugh and she kisses your neck. "I love it."

You say goodbye to her on the school's parking lot as she gets inside her car. The rain already got your clothes soaked and you think you'll probably get sick while waiting for the bus. But when Clarke rolls her window down and asks you if you want her to give you a ride home you think about how her white Mercedes Benz will look in your neighborhood. So you shake your head and you recognize the disappointment on her face. She blows you a kiss before you see her car disappearing down the street.

That weekend you helped your sister around as you sneezed every five minutes. You had fever on Saturday's night as expected but Anya gave you a pill and made you chicken soup the following day so you could feel better. You received a few messages from Clarke on Friday night asking you if you were going to Raven's party but you leaved the message unanswered because you had too many biology homework to focus on. You also got a sad face from her on Saturday's afternoon and that's when you decided to answer her messages.

_Sorry, I was busy with hw_ You say and you leave your phone on your bedroom for a few hours to help your sister clean the kitchen and living room. When you checked it again after dinner you didn't have any new messages from the blonde.

It's Anya who gives you a ride to school on Monday because it was still raining and you were sneezing too much. Probably you even have a little of fever but you couldn't skip school today because of the math test on third period. Your sister hands you 10 dollars to buy lunch today and to catch the bus to get home. You hug her and she kisses your cheek. If she saw the hickey on your neck this weekend she didn't mention it.

You get to school with only 5 minutes left before first period so you're not surprised to see that everyone it's already here. You see Lincoln on his locker talking to Octavia, who has her arm around his. You smile at your friend when he waves at you. Lincoln calls your name and you walk to him looking down at your shoes. He gives you a quick hug with his free arm and you give a little smile to your teammate. Octavia hugs you as well taking you by surprise.

You don't notice Clarke walking next to you until she calls Octavia's name and even Lincoln's. Apparently they know each other because the three of them share hugs in front of you. You're patiently waiting for your turn you wrap your arms around her, and that's when you notice she's still wearing your hoodie over her cheerleader uniform. You feel your heartbeat getting a little more faster than it should be. You were about to say hi to her when Octavia's brother, Bellamy, and his friend Murphy suddenly came out of nowhere surprising you as they salute your friend. But of course Murphy had to open his mouth.

"You're friends with her?" He says as he looks at Lincoln. Your friend nods as he wraps his arms around Octavia's body. "Why? So she lets you copy on math?" Murphy laughs and you see Clarke looking down at her shoes, you bite your lip as you wait for someone to say something. Anything. "I bet she sucks Kane's dick to get better grades." John speaks again and you're so _, so_ angry. You were about to say something you'd have probably regret after when the bell rang.

You look at Clarke but she's ignoring your eyes again as she links her fingers with Bellamy's. And you can actually feel your heart breaking inside your chest. It's feels like a deja vu all over again as a tear escapes from your eyes. You’re not sure if the tears on your eyes are there because you’re mad at your friend for not saying anything to Murphy or because _she_ has used you again. Of course. What else were you expecting? She doesn’t even look at you. You look to your side as soon as you feel you're getting your cheeks wet with tears. From the corner of you eye see Bellamy leaning down to kiss Clarke and you have to get out of here. As fast as you can.

So you do, you run to the nearest exit and you don't care you'll probably get even more sick as you run until you reach the soccer field. You look at the locker room's door as your tears get mixed with the rain. Of course she didn't want anything more from you. Thank god you didn't ask her out when you had the chance because she probably would have laughed on your face. You fall to your knees in the middle of the field and you don't feel anything besides the pain in your chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's keep an open mind with Clarke, she's trying her best lol 
> 
> Also, come talk to me on Tumblr I don't wanna do my homework ahahah ( iwish-iwas-besideu.tumblr.com )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY it took me this long, tbh idk how to feel about this chapter.   
> Anyway i wanted to finish it for you guys
> 
> Im not sure when i'll be able to update again cause theres a lot of things going on with me rn but i'll try my best  
> all mistakes are on me :p
> 
> HAPPY WEDNESDAY

You punch the wet grass under your body until you see your knuckles covered in your own blood. But you don't feel any pain. Is your chest that actually aches every time you close your eyes and see _her_ kissing _him_ over, and over and over again. You're not sure how you're gonna get up and walk inside that building again because you know you can't skip this math test. You think maybe you could change your soaked clothes into your gym clothes in the bathroom, but you can't even think to go there because you're sure you will remember the kisses you shared with _her_ in there. You know you shouldn't be overreacting this much but everything reminds you of Clarke and how you actually enjoyed every time she used you for her own benefits. You're shaking from how cold you feel, but when you angrily wipe your tears mixed with rain with both of your hands, you feel how hot your forehead is and that's when you realize you have fever again. Great. You're sure that if you go to the nurse's office the old woman will send you home, but you don't want anyone to notice how broken you are again. You don't want Clarke to apologize to you again because it's her fault, and she knows it is, that your heart it's broken again. You tell yourself you don't want anything from her ever again.

You don't feel your legs as you walk through the school's halls until you reach your locker. You ignore how your hands are so cold that you don't even feel the metal door. You ignore the headache as you take your gym bag from your locker and you barely hear the sound of the locker door closing because even your ears are hurting at this point. You let the tears that are still falling from your eyes get mixed with the rain water on your face. If someone sees you like this they probably won't notice you're still crying because all of your body is soaked with cold rain. You keep your head down as you walk into the girls bathroom in case someone is in there. Luckily, the bathroom is as lonely as you are. You lock the door and you sigh softly ignoring how sore your throat feels. After letting your backpack fall from your shoulders to the floor, the one that you somehow managed to get under the bleachers and it's not soaked with water, you zip open your gym bag with your shaky fingers. You nearly moaned when your hands touched your white and fluffy towel you usually use to dry your body after showering on practice days. You bring it up to your face as you wipe some of the water off your body. You take your gym clothes out and you change as quickly as you can in case someone wants to use the bathroom, even now when you know that everyone is busy at second period. You still feel cold even in the warm clothes as you dry your hair as much as you can with your already really wet towel. You look at the time on your phone, thank god it didn't get wet inside your backpack, and you see that it's almost time for the third period. You tell yourself that you're going to leave right after you finish your math test.

You feel some people staring at you when you enter the classroom, because of course, who would dress with a work out t-shirt and shorts when there's literally a storm outside? You look down at your Nike runners as you take a seat with your pencil and eraser in your hand. You left everything else at your locker. When Mr. Kane gave the class a few minutes to study before the test, you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a little and you covered your forehead with your still shaking palm. Until someone gently squeezed your cold shoulder.

"Are you okay, Miss Woods?" You open your tired green eyes to look at your teacher kneeling in front of your desk.

You try to speak, but your throat hurts too much.

"You should go to the nurse's office." He says, you shake your head immediately and you regret it after because somehow your headache is worst now. You jump when your teacher touches your forehead. "Lexa, you're burning. You can give me the test tomorrow, I know you studied so don't worry."

"N-no." You manage to get out as you shake your head again. "I-I'm fine."

You see your teacher standing up and let out a deep breath. He tells the class it's time for the test now and when he gives you your sheet he squeezes your shoulder again. You don't like when people worry about you. You’re _fine._

You try to concentrate on the exercise in front of you but your head hurts so much you're forced to close your eyes for a little because everything it's blurry. And you don't open them until you hear the bell ringing. You fell asleep. Fantastic. You feel your heart beating so fast inside your chest as you look around and you see your classmates handing their tests to Mr. Kane who's sitting on top of his desk as he looks at the students still trying to resolve the test. You only see a few, no more than five including you, and that's when you realize your test doesn't even have your name on it. You feel like you're about to cry again because apparently nothing ever goes right for you. You feel like an idiot. You write your name on your sheet with your shaky hand as you hear the teacher saying he's leaving in two minutes. You don't feel your legs when you stand up from your chair, you take your pencil and eraser and walk in front of the class where Mr. Kane is looking at you with worried eyes. And that's when you make eye contact with _her_ who was standing next to the teacher asking for a little of help with the last exercise. And of course she's still wearing your clothes. You didn't even get the chance to take a look at the whole test as you hand it over to your teacher. You have to get out of here before _she_ tries to talk to you again. You leave the classroom looking down at your shoes ignoring Mr. Kane calling your name.

You search inside your backpack for some money for the bus because you know you're not able to walk home right now. When you find a few dollars inside you smiled for the first time today. Until someone touched your exposed and cold arm. And you know who is standing next to you because it's the same soft hand that was tangled in your hair just a few days ago.

"Hey," she says, well, whispers.

You don't even turn around to look at her as you take your backpack and bag from your locker. You slam the door shut of your locker and leave the school building before Clarke can try to speak to you again.

You're not surprised when you get home and nobody is around. It's only close to 1 pm which means that your sister is still at the gym and your niece at her school. You move around the kitchen as you take your dirty clothes from your bag to wash them. Since you're alone, you also take off your clothes and throw them inside the washing machine. You feel your body shivering but you tell yourself you'll feel better after taking a hot shower. So you do. You let the hot water run down your body making you feel just a little better, at least you're not shaking anymore. You close your eyes as you wash your hair and put on some soap on your body. The sweet aroma of the vanilla helps you to relax. You let out a deep breath as you rest your still hot forehead against the wall.

With your eyes closed, the images of today's events only make you feel worst. You're not sure if you're going to talk to your friend and ask him why he didn't say anything to Murphy this morning. But you're sure you won't be talking to Clarke again anytime soon. Especially now that you know she has a boyfriend, or whatever Bellamy Blake is to her. You do know that you should ask her for your hoodie back, is one of your favorites after all, but you know you can't get close to her without wanting to wrap your arms around her body. Or take her hand. Or kiss her. Especially kiss her, because now that you know the taste of her lips you're sure you became an addict of the worst drug in the world.

You've always enjoyed braiding your hair. It was something your sister did for you when you were little and it somehow made you feel closer to her. The younger version of you would rest your tiny and skinny back against her front, until her pregnant stomach became too big, and Anya would comb your hair helping you to relax until you fall asleep. Then she would most likely carry you on her arms to her bed and hold you all night like if you were the most precious thing in the earth. You're not sure what you did to deserve such a good sister.

Now dressed with warm and comfortable clothes and a braid holding your hair back, you walk to the bathroom again to see if you can find some medicine on the small cabinet that can help you feel better. You knew it was a bad idea staying under the rain for so long but you couldn't find the strength to make your legs move your soaked body to some place with a roof. You don't want to tell your sister how badly you're feeling, because she'll probably take you to the doctor and spend money you don't want her to waste. You sighed in relief when your eyes found the cough syrup and a few pills for your headache. You leave the bathroom after taking the medicine and as you walk towards your bedroom you couldn't help but cough a little. You tell yourself that you're going to take a nap until your sister gets home and then apologize for skipping school. And for failing the math test.

It didn't take you long to fall asleep on top of your bed, because as soon as you rested your heard on your pillow, you were already dreaming. You didn't get the chance to plug your phone before so you didn't notice the texts you got from _her._

You suddenly wake up jumping when you heard the front door opening. You panicked until you heard your niece's laughs and your sister's tired voice asking her what she wants for dinner. You sit resting your back against the wall and you rub your temples softly and thanking God that the headache is nearly gone. It was only a few moments later when you heard your sister calling your name from the living room probably because she found your backpack on the couch. You feel the urge to apologize immediately.

"Lex, are you home?" Anya says and you hear her voice getting closer, she's probably looking for you inside the small house.

Not more than 5 minutes later she enters your bedroom with a soft knock on the door first. You still have your eyes closed and you don't want to look at her because you know you did something bad. You skipped school. You failed your test. And even when you don't want to think about it, you remember the time you spent on the foster home and how much the father of the other kids would get mad at your tiny and young version if you did something wrong, even the smallest thing like not making your bed when you were only 5 years old and could barely speak. However, when your sister sits next to you and brings you closer to her by wrapping an arm around your shoulders, you allow yourself to look up at her with your still tired eyes. You pray that she doesn't notice the sadness on your eyes. You know you have nothing  to fear from your sister.

"Lexa you're sweating," Anya says and you close your eyes as she quickly reaches to touch your forehead with her cold palm. Or maybe it wasn't that cold, your fever was too high. "And burning. Are you okay?"

You clear your throat because you remind yourself that you don't want her to waste money because of you. "I-m f-fine." It hurts to talk. Your sister looks at you with her eyes full of worry.

"Get dressed, we're going to the hospital." You wanted to protest but she doesn't gives you the time to do it. She moves to your closet and leaves clean clothes for you to change into. "And don't worry about me or Tris, I'm sure she'd love to eat some candy from the vending machines." Anya smiles to you, so you only close your eyes and nod. You throw your dirty t-shirt to the floor and you don't see your sister looking with sadness on her eyes at the few scars on your chest and back.

Your little niece is sitting on your lap in the waiting room, your sister went to the cafeteria to get some food for her daughter. Tris is playing that silly game about cats on your phone and leaning her little back to your front. You don't feel as bad as you did this morning but the headache is still there and so is the fever and the burning in your throat. You don't know why your sister insisted on wasting money on you when you could just easily take some medicine at home.

Tris hides her face on your neck and whispers, "will you braid my hair, Leksa?" And you only nod because you can't speak. But you don't want to deny anything to your little niece. Even though she already has her hair braided since this morning.

After the doctor told you to cough as she moved the stethoscope on your back and checked your temperature, she told your sister it was only a cold. And you knew it. The doctor gave some instructions to your sister while you got dressed again and before leaving, your little niece got a candy from the doctor.

Anya tells you you won't go to school tomorrow and you wanted to protest because it means you won't be at practice again. And coach will get mad, especially because there's another game this Friday. And of course you want to play again. But as your sister parks the car on the garage of your house you give her a nod because you don't want to disobey her. You don't want to be a disappointment on her life.

She makes you chicken soup again and it actually helps you warm your cold body. Tris is still laughing at anything and everything because she ate too many candies from the vending machines. You feel guilty because it's your fault your sister had to take you to the hospital and couldn't give her daughter a proper dinner instead of a pile of candy. So you tell yourself it'll be your responsibility to make your niece fall asleep tonight.

Anya leaves a few minutes later than usual and you hope that she won't be late for her shift at the bar. As soon as you pick your niece on your arms the little girl, who's usually almost sleeping at this time, tells you about her day at school maybe too excited. You wish you could say the same about your day. Anya told her daughter to not make you speak too much because you were sick and the little girl agreed with a pout on her lips.

"And then he almost fell from the monkey bar!" Tris laughs. "He doesn't know how to do it!"

You lay her down on your sister's bed, you secretly thank Anya because Tris is already dressed with her pajamas, and you sit next to her with your back against the headboard. As soon as the little girl is under the covers, she comes as closer as she can to you and rests her head on your stomach. You know that if you play with her hair it might help her calm down and she'll fall asleep sooner. So you do, and after a few minutes Tris lets out a yawn.

"Why are you sad?" The little girl suddenly asks and you feel your breath catching in your throat. "You don't smile, Leksa, not even when I gave you a cookie. And you love cookies." Tris whispers and when you feel your eyes staring to water you know you need to come up with a lie right now.

"I-I'm sick, Tris," you mumble and your throat aches. Not in the same way your heart does when you see her kissing him though. "I'm sorry," you're not sure what you're apologizing for. "I-I'll play with you tomorrow okay? All day. Let's see if we can convince your mom to let you skip school tomorrow."

Tris nods and asks you to sleep next to her. You can't say no to your niece so you quickly get under the covers because you were getting cold anyway, and wrap your arms around Tris' small body. You close your eyes and the last thing you remember before falling sleep, it was Tris yawning and Clarke's voice.

The next morning, surprisingly, Anya agrees with your idea. She doesn't want to leave you alone in the house anyway. So when your sister leaves to take a quick shower, you remove your arms from your niece you and stretch your body after getting up from the bed. Anya comes back dressed in her pajamas and you see her smiling, even when she's so tired after a shift at the bar, when she whispers her daughter's name and hugs her tightly. You leave their bedroom with a sad smile on your face and you're not sure why you're suddenly sad.

When you wake up again, in your own bed this time, you take a look at the clock on your wall and see that's it's past 9 am. You think it'd be nice if you get up and make breakfast for your small family but when you tried to leave your bed you had the urge to cough. So you do, and when you think you're done, it comes back again. And again, and again. You cough until your throat hurts to the point it burns. It's so sore you're sure you can't talk. Feeling useless again, you turn to lay on your side and close your eyes again to stop the tears. You fall asleep again without trying.

It's your niece who wakes you up a few hours later by climbing in your bed and getting under the covers next to you. Tris doesn't notice you're awake until you wrap your arms around her to bring her closer to you. She squirmed in your arms when you softly tickled her sides.

"Stop it, Leksa!" Tris laughs and for the first time today, you smile.

"Y-You hungry?" You mumble hoping that your niece heard you because you can't speak louder. Your throat hurts too much.

"Nope." Tris says as she lays down next to you. "Mommy gave me breakfast and she told me to tell you lunch is ready as well."

Your sister did what you were supposed to do today. You'll do extra thing this weekend then.

"Can we go to the park after lunch, Leksa?" Tris asks as she cuddles to your side and rests her head on your shoulder. "I wanna play on the swings."

And of course you can't deny anything to your niece. You could even use the time to practice your shots in the park before practice tomorrow with the team, you don't want coach to drop you in the bench again. Now that you know how it feels to be on the field, the adrenaline on your body as you run pass the defenders from the other team, the air hitting your face, and how quick your heart rate becomes when you take a shot against the other team’s goalkeeper, you don't want to look just from the sidelines.

So you give a nod to your niece and the little girl squeals before getting out of your bed and saying she's getting her shoes as she runs to her bedroom. With a little smile on your face you leave your room with your towel on your hands to shower really quick.

"I'll be in the bathroom Tris," you say as loud as you can hoping your niece heard you. And she did, because you get an "okay!" As an answer from the little girl as you take off your pajamas.

You laugh as you look at your niece finishing her lunch in record time. She actually groans when you tell her she needs to wait for you to finish your food before both you and her can leave the house to spend the afternoon in the park. As you clean the dishes, you tell your niece to go get her jacket and she nods and makes her way to her bedroom. Tris comes back when you're drying your hands on your t-shirt with your old soccer ball on her hands, she smiles as she hands you the ball.

"Thanks monkey." You smile to her and you let your ball fall from your hands to the floor and you stop it from moving with your feet as you put on a hoodie. Is a cold day after all.

Tris holds your hand as you close and lock the front door. You grabbed a few dollars from your backpack to buy your niece some ice cream on the way back or maybe some cotton candy, whatever she wants. You walk nodding and smiling at Tris when the little girl tells you about how much she misses going out with you. You kick the ball with your feet as you walk towards the park a few blocks away from your house.

"Will you play with me on the swings? Or in the monkey bar?!" Tris asks you with a big smile on her face as you both finally reach the park. The little girl tugs your hand as she runs trying to get to the park sooner, you laugh as you try to keep up while still kicking the soccer ball, because Tris definitely has energy that needs to be wasted today before bed time.

You're sitting on the bench in front of the swing set trying to juggle the ball with your feet. Tris is playing and occasionally looking at you with a smile on her face. She already told you she wants pink cotton candy and you nodded to her. You can't deny anything to her. Because you want her to have the childhood you couldn't afford.

You almost allowed the ball to slip from your feet when your phone vibrated inside of your pocket. Confused, you grabbed it from the back pocket of your jeans only to find a new text.

 _hey_ it says, and of course it is from _her_.

You're tempted to answer it so you unlock your phone to take a better look at it and to make sure if it is her who's talking to you. It is in fact from Clarke.

You were typing an answer, it already even had a smiling emoji, because you're not that mean. You hate when people don't answer your messages, even when the only person you text is  your sister, but you angrily deleted it when you received a new one. _are you free next period ??_ Because she doesn't want anything else than _that_ from you. And she has a boyfriend. Or whatever Bellamy Blake, the brother of your teammate, captain of the football team and Murphy's friend, is for her. She doesn't need you. She doesn't want you. Why would she anyway? You don't belong to her world.

"Leksa?" You hear your niece softly whisper in front of you, and only when you felt her hands on your cheeks is when you realized you were crying again. "Are you ok?" She tries again when you didn't answer her like you usually do.

 _Get your shit together,_ you think.

"I-I am." You say as you put your phone back not caring about the messages anymore, or that's what you're trying to make yourself believe. "Do you want your cotton candy now, Tris?"

The little girl nods with a sad smile on her face and you hate, _hate_ that you caused all of this, she was fine and happy before she saw the tears falling from your eyes. It's your fault once again. You take her hand to go buy her candy. Tris see there's a blue colored one, and she asks you if you'd rather buy that one because it's not pink and she wants to share it with you. You give her a sweet smile and tell her this doesn't matter to you. Tris grins.

Your niece laughs at what she calls your "game face", she kicks the ball back to you when you groaned because it went too far. Her laugh is music to your ears, it means she's not longer sad because of you.

"You can do it!!" She says and jumps from side to side still looking to you as you take a deep breath, you're glad your chest doesn't ache anymore, and kick the ball. It doesn't end inside the goal posts again. You grown louder and threw your head back. However, Tris laughing helps you to forget about the fact that you're too distracted, and you know _why_ , to score a single goal.

"I can't do it Tris," you say as you slowly make your way to your niece. "Wanna head home?" You pick her up. She wraps her legs around your waist and her arms around your neck. "Your mom will be back soon."

"'Alright." She says and you can hear in her voice how tired she is. "I wanna eat meatballs for dinner, Leksa. Can we?" Tris whispers into your ear and allows her fingers to get lost on your curly hair.

"Yes we can." You say as you kiss her temple. After picking up your soccer ball, you put one of your arms around the little girl resting on your hip to keep her from falling. And then, you make your way back home.

Tris is asleep by the time you're back. She's snoring softly on your ear and it tickles, and it makes your lips curve into a little smile. After closing the door with your feet, you lay Tris down on her mom's bed and take off her shoes. She mumbles something on her sleep but doesn't wake up. You put the covers on top of her and kiss her forehead before leaving the room without closing the door.

By the time Anya comes home, dinner is ready and it smells _so good_ your older sister teases you asking you if it was really you who cooked. Or if there's a chef hidden somewhere in the house. You roll your eyes and wrap your arms around your sister's shoulders. Anya sighs tiredly into your hair.

"Missed you kid." She whispers. "Did you and Tris had fun today?"

"Yup." You nod and offer your sister a glass of water. "I'm surprised she's asleep after the cotton candy I bought her."

"God. Why'd you do that?" Anya laughs. "I'm glad you both had fun. Me, however, didn't. I hate that gym so much already, I'm starting to think I could search for another job." She takes a long sip of the glass of water you handed her.

This is your chance. "Anya, I could get a jo-"

"You know the answer to that, Lexa. No is no and I'm not changing my mind." Anya says and angrily leaves the empty cup on top of the kitchen table. You're surprised it didn't end up in tons of broken pieces like your heart already have done twice. "I'm going to check on my daughter."

Right. You messed up again.

When Anya comes back with Tris on her hip, you don't want to look at them, so you try to keep yourself busy by checking on the dinner you made. It makes your stomach growl because it smells so damn good. You didn't know you could cook something else besides macaroni and cheese.

Anya tells you to go sit on the table and when she leaves your plate in front of you, you begin eating immediately. You hope your sister isn't too mad at you. You will apologize after eating.

You look at Tris and she's still running her eyes. You wonder if she likes the meatballs and spaghetti you prepared for her.

"Is it good, Tris?" You ask with your heart beating on your throat.

The little girl looks at you and nods. "Yup!" She says with her mouth full of food. You laugh because she's still so cute. "Can you give me more cheese?" She whispers and looks at her mom who's still busy looking inside the fridge. You nod at your niece and you gave her what she asked for. Tris grins and you couldn't help but laugh when your sister sat down eyeing both you and her daughter suspiciously.

"Do I want to know what you both are up to?" Anya asks before eating her dinner.

"Nope." You say. Tris laughs. And so does your sister.

 

The next morning, as always, Anya wakes you up by softly shaking your shoulders and whispering your name when she comes back from her shift at the bar. She gives you a tired smile after she asks you if you feel good enough to go to school today. You nod and rub your eyes. She tells you she'll be in the kitchen and asks you if you'd rather eat pancakes or a fruit salad. Your mouth waters just by thinking about eating pancakes and whipped cream again.

"Definitely pancakes." You whisper with your still a little hoarse voice. Anya laughs softly.

"Go get a shower kid."

Even when is a good day for you to just ride your bike to school, Anya tells you she'll be taking you to school and giving you money for the bus to get back after your classes. She doesn't want you to get sick again. If only she knew how long you were under the rain two days ago without thinking about the consequences. You don't want to disappoint her anymore so you just nod and silently eat your breakfast. You make yourself a sandwich and grab a juice box for you lunch and your bottle of water for soccer. With your backpack hanging on one of your shoulders, and your soccer bag in the other, you wait for your sister to come back from the bathroom patiently by the door. You look down at your dirty white Vans and when you felt your phone vibrating in the pocket of your hoodie, you snap back from your thoughts.

It's a message from Clarke. Again _. r u coming to school today? :(_ _L_

You didn't even bother to unlock your phone before putting it back on your pocket. You don't want anything from her ever again. Your heart already aches just by thinking about her. You take a deep breath to calm yourself down because the day is just beginning and you don't want to feel like this until you go back to bed again.

"Ready?"

You look up to find your sister grabbing her keys from the coffee table without looking at you. You know it's useless to just nod at her because she doesn't have her eyes on you. But you do it anyway because you're too busy biting your lip tos ay anything.

Anya wraps her arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to her and give you a short hug. You laugh for the first time today when she rubs your messy curly hair making it look like you didn't brush it this morning. She tells you to have a good day as you exit her car and take your bag and backpack from the back seats. You tell her you will see her soon. You wave at her until she turns the car around and disappears from the school's parking lot.

There's less than ten minutes before first period starts so you walk inside the building to find the halls already full of tired teenagers. You don't see your friend anywhere, and that reminds you you need to talk to Lincoln and ask him what the fuck he was thinking when he didn't say something to Murphy the other day. You let your soccer bag fall from your shoulder as you put on the password to open your locker. A few seconds later, it opens without trouble. You put your bag inside and you take the books you'll need for the day. And that's when you notice the little piece of pink paper that fell from inside your locker.

You close the cold metal door and you kneel to pick up the piece of paper, knowing exactly who it is from. You don't even bother to read it before you tore it in the middle and threw it on the closest trash can.

You didn't see the pair of blue eyes looking at you with nothing but sadness from the corner of the hall.

After math class is over, Mr. Kane tells you he'll be free at lunch if you want to repeat your test. You literally hugged him for three seconds because this day is going so well. He laughs and pats your back a few times.

"I'll see you in a few hours, Mr Kane!" You say with a bright smile on your face as you exit the classroom.

You were too busy looking behind your shoulder at your teacher to notice the blonde in front of you. You literally ran into Clarke Griffin whose cup of coffee ended on her clothes. More specifically, on _your_ hoodie. She's still wearing it. You gulp.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking," you say avoiding her blue eyes.

"It's oka-" She was saying but you're already leaving in the opposite direction before she can finish the sentence.

However, Clarke decides it's a good idea to follow you yelling your name catching the attention from everyone around you.

"Lexa!" She says for the third time. _Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking._ She doesn't want you. You don't belong to her world. You never will. "Can you please stop running?! I know I'm a cheerleader but _fuck,_ stop it! Please."

Fine. You didn't notice you were running and you're tired anyway.

"What do you want, Clarke," you say without turning around. You can hear her breathing heavily next to you at the same time her hand wraps around your strong bicep.

"Can we please talk?" She says and tugs your arm. She wants you to look at her but you know you won't be able to resist her if you lock your eyes on hers. "And I'd rather if it's not here, please."

You shake your head.

"No. Just talk, you have two minutes. I'm going to meet with my friends," you lie. But it's not completely a lie since you do need to find Lincoln. Clarke tugs you arm again and with a sigh you turn around. Her blue eyes are clouded with tears and somehow just thinking that it might be your fault makes you feel guilty. Even when you know you shouldn't because she had break your heart twice already and she probably will do it again.

"I... I-I just," she says and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath before opening them again. "I don't know what you saw last Monday, but I just need to tell you it meant nothing. Bellamy is m-" you cut her off.

"I don't need your explanations Clarke," you say and that's what you've been trying to convince yourself for the last few days. "We're nothing. You have your life and I have mine. End of the story. Now if you excuse me, I must find my friend."

And with that, you leave Clarke in the middle of the hallway trying to hold back a sob as a few tears fall down her cheeks. You didn't notice it though, because you were too busy trying to control your own.

Turns out, Lincoln was were you expected to find him. On the football yard trying to make new friends. Including Bellamy Blake and John Murphy. Lincoln sees you close to bleachers and waves his hand at you. After a few moments he gets the hint that you won't walk to him, instead, you're patiently waiting for him to come to you. He does after apologizing to his new friends.

"Hey Lex," he says. "Why didn't you come to school yesterday?"

Oh so he's trying to ignore what happened on Monday then.

"Are you serious Linc?" You ask him trying to control your voice. The doctor told you not to raise your voice or your throat would hurt again. "Why don't you tell me why you didn't say anything to Murphy when the spoke to me like that!" _Keep it together Lexa,_ you think _, it's not worth it._

"Oh, um.." Lincoln stutters. "I just, I was hoping to make friends with Bellamy and John." He says.

"John?" You laugh but clearly not because you're enjoying this situation. "Care to explain when the _fuck_ you started calling him like that? Murphy is still the same guy who used to make fun of your clothes on freshman year Lincoln! Open your _fucking_ eyes!" You sigh and take a deep breath.

"Calm down Lexa, Jesus. Everyone is looking at us," Lincoln says, and when he tries to grab your shoulders, you use your hands to push him on his chest. You're strong, and you know that, but it still surprised you when your friend nearly fell to his ass.

"Is there a problem here?" Someone asks from behind you and it's _that_ voice again. Clarke's boyfriend.

"No." You literally bark as you clench your fists.

And with that, you leave the football yard without looking back at who you think it was your friend.

Seems like it's not a good day after all.

Mr. Kane welcomes you with a soft smile and tells you to sit somewhere in the front row as he looks for a test on his folders. It's lunch time and as you hear your stomach growling you tell yourself you'll be quick. It's not that hard after all.

"Here we go, Miss Woods," the man says. "Take your time. If you have any questions, I'll be sitting literally in front of you." He jokes making a soft smile take over your face.

Less than twenty minutes later you're double checking your answers before handing your test to your teacher. You were too concentrated on your test to notice that Mr. Kane is now outside the classroom hugging a sobbing Clarke Griffin. You blink a few times and you even push your glasses up your nose because Clarke is literally shaking in the arms of your teacher. You remember a few days ago when he made you work with the blue eyed girl, she told you her mom knows him so you wonder what happened to her. You feel like you shouldn't interrupt them so you quietly leave the room after leaving your test on your teacher's desk.

You sit alone at lunch again and this time it doesn't bothers you. You eat your sandwich and drink your orange juice without trouble. The cafeteria is almost empty because everyone has already ate. Except for the girl who sits in front of you with a loud sigh as she finally rests her leg and brace on the chair next to her.

"I hope you don't mind if I sit here," she begins apologizing, you look at her and you think you recognize her from your advanced physics class. "It's just that, my leg is killing me and this was the closest chair. Sorry."

"It's okay," you mumble after swallowing your food. "I don't mind. I'm Lexa, by the way. Are you on Miss Green's class?" You ask and you hope she says yes.

"Yeah!" The girl says. "That class rocks. If only we could build more of the stuff than reading the books," she jokes. "I'd love to make this place go boom." You guess your face showed the fear of what she was saying becoming reality because she laughs loudly and smiles after. "I was kidding man, you should've seen your face. I'm Raven, by the way. Raven Reyes at your service."

She doesn't makes you speak to her after that and you already think she might be a good friend.

"I guess you're not a talker, right Lexa?" Raven asks as she takes a bite of her green apple without removing her eyes from her Spanish book. Maybe she's doing homework. You could help her.

"Not much," you mumble again as you take your trash to put it inside the paper bag again. "Do you need help with your Spanish homework?" You offer trying to look at what exercises she's working on.

"¿Crees que no sé lo que hago, cariño?" She says with a smirk on her face. You look at her with big eyes. You're good at Spanish but not at speaking it. "Sorry," she laughs. "My grandmother still talks to me on her native language. My dad, however, doesn't know a shit. He never liked it. I do. I think it's cool knowing more than just one language."

"It is," you agree with her. "I can't speak Spanish but I do know it. And French, and I'm trying to lean Germa-"

"Woah there, and here I thought I was smart." Raven laughs. "I hate to leave you, but I need to get to the third floor on this fucking building and considering how my leg is killing me right now, it might take a while."

"What happened to your leg?" You ask before you can stop yourself. "S-Sorry you don't have to answer that."

"It's fine mumbles," she says. Oh so she already gave you a nickname. "If you really want to know, I got shot trying to rob a bank. See you later!" Raven says after she picks up her stuff and leaves you there with your mouth hanging open.

She's not serious, is she..?

And if she could read your thoughts, she turns around to look at you and laughs loudly. "I was kidding!"

You laugh softly and shake your head as you get up to throw your trash away. You still have two more classes before soccer practice. English and Biology. You can handle that.

After the classes are over, you slowly make your way to your locker. You have your earphones on and the music of your phone on shuffle. You think about getting early to the field to run a few laps to get ready before coach gets there. Sounds good. It'd help you to stretch your legs.

You're tying your cleats sitting on the bench by the time you finally see some of your teammates entering the locker room. Some of the girls give you a wave of their hands, a smile or a simple nod. So you do the same. Until you see Octavia Blake, and you know you shouldn't just hate her because her brother is dating the girl you're madly in love with but you can't help it, and she's laughing along the girl you saw at lunch. Raven.

And that's why you thought you knew her. She's the girl who threw the first party you attended. The first time you kissed Clarke.

"Hi there!" Raven waves at you with a excited smile on her face. "Holy shit! Why didn't you tell me you played soccer?! Are you O's teammate?! I didn't recognize you with your glasses on! Sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Raven laughs. "Don't take it on the bad way mumbles, you look great with and without glasses."

"Hey Lexa," Octavia speaks before you can answer your new friend. "I should apologize for not saying something to Murphy, well, something in front of you. Believe me, me and Clarke almost killed him after my brother tried to say something about you as well." She gives you a little smile. "I hope we can start again. If one of those assholes says something to you let me know, alright?"

What? So Clarke did said something to John...? But wasn't she too busy eating Bellamy's face?

"It's fine, I'm used to his comments, don't worry Octavia." You say trying to control your voice. And your thoughts. Because you know you can't get your hopes up with Clarke again. No matter what she does or says, you know she'll end up breaking your heart once again. "But thanks anyway." You offer her a soft smile which she returns.

"I see you've met Raven." Octavia smiles and wraps her arms around her friend's shoulders. The dreamy look Raven gave to her shorter friend didn't go unnoticed to you. "Raven, this is Lexa, one of the best forwards we've ever got on the team."

"Probably not as good as you, my lady," Raven smirks and both of you and Octavia laughs.

You could get used to talking to them.

"Okay, I don't wanna be an asshole but I really need to run for a few minutes, or else, I'll have cramps in the middle of practice." You joke and both of the girls in front of you laugh. Octavia nods.

"Damn, never thought I'd met someone who actually likes to run." Raven laughs. "Besides you O."

"Shut up Reyes." Octavia says. "I'm gonna go chance. See you in the field Lexa!" You hear Octavia yelling at you but you're already busy running to think about answering your teammate, and probably, your soon to be friend.

When coach gives the team a water break, he calls you for a quick talk. You feel your stomach drop when he tells you the news.

Your teammates is back from her small injury and probably it won't be necessary for you to play this week. Especially since you missed a practice. You want to argue, to protest, to tell him you deserve to play, but you only lower your head and with your eyes full of tears you look down at your cleats. You nod when coach asks you if you understand. You hear your teammates running back into the pitch but with your shaky voice you ask coach if you can leave early. He doesn't even look at you as he nods and continues to scream orders at your teammates.

You're back at the bench. And you're not sure why you're not surprised.

Raven is sitting on the bleachers with a few other guys, probably your teammates' boyfriends or friends, when you come back from the locker room with your backpack and bag. Your new friend yells your name and asks you what's wrong but you don't trust your voice now. And you definitely don't want to cry in front of her.

You walk slowly out of the school and you didn't expect for someone to be following you. Especially not her.

"Lexa," you hear her saying your name again. And you can't help but think of how much you like her raspy voice pronouncing the letters of your name. "Please, look at me."

But you can't. Because she'll break your heart again. And you don't want her to see you like this. Even when this is who you are. Just a nerd who can't even play on the team she has been on since she can remember.

"Come on," Clarke says and stands in front of you. You feel her hands wiping the tears from your cheeks but with your eyes screwed shut you can't see her. Even when part of you just want to melt into her arms. "Come on baby, it's going to be okay." Clarke tries again and the pet name doesn't go unnoticed to you.

You want to be angry, you want to be mad, because she has no right to call you like that or anything after all she has done to you. But a part of you, still wants to let her in. To give her a chance. But you don't know why.

And that's why you can't understand why, when you should be on your way to the bus stop, you're closing the distance between her lips and yours. Maybe it's because you need someone and she's here and doesn't pull away when you start kissing her with nothing but desperation. You let your hands get lost on her blonde hair because it's out of her usual ponytail. The cheerleaders practice is over.

However, when she moans into your mouth is when you come back to reality. You can't do this. It's Clarke.

And she's going to break your heart again.

"I'm sorry," you say as soon as you pull away from the kiss. It takes a few seconds for Clarke to catch her breath before she looks at you. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't apologize," Clarke says. "I liked it. I like yo-"

"Don't." You shake your head. "You have a boyfriend, Clarke. Just... Please give me back my hoodie tomorrow alright? I can't do this anymore."

And with that, you do what you were supposed to do on first place. You start making your way to the bus stop but she yells your name again.

"Wait Lexa!" Clarke runs trying to keep up with you. "Just hear me out, I need to tell you somethi-"

"I'm not your toy, Clarke!" You suddenly say. Woah. You're sure actually the whole block heard you. "I can't just kiss you and touch you on the weekends just for you to ignore me when your boyfriend and friends are around! I can't do that!" You turn around to look at her. Clarke looks at you with something on her eyes you can't recognize. "You can't expect me to be your secret! I can't handle that anymore. I liked you. I really did. For as long as I have memory! But now, now that _I know_ what it feels to be with you, how you feel in my arms, I can't just hide! It _fucking_ hurts. You have no idea." You say with your shaky voice. You can't cry again. You sigh. "I'm sorry." You whisper. You're not sure why you're apologizing. Maybe for raising your voice. You never liked when someone yelled at you. Especially when you were a kid. "Goodbye Clarke."

And with that, you turn around again leaving the blonde without expecting an answer. You leave her there even when the only thing you can hear is the sob that escaped from her mouth. You leave her there when the only thing you want is to turn around and wrap her in your arms forever.

Little did you know, that this is exactly how Clarke felt every time she saw you and Murphy on the halls, or when she knows exactly she's the reason you were crying the other day. Clarke knows. And she knows she doesn’t deserve you after all she has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "¿Crees que no sé lo que estoy haciendo, cariño?" means "you think I don't know what im doing, sweetheart?" if ya all wanted to know hahah
> 
> idk about you guys but when i was writing this chapter i was listening "here we go again" by demi and i think it fits perfectly for how Lexa feels :(
> 
> Also, i have a question, Linctavia or Octaven for this fic? lemme know, cause i have a few ideas if you guys chose Octaven :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of past rape. Not really detailed, but is there, message me if you want a version without it. :)   
> My apologies.

 

When you close the door behind your back by kicking it with your foot, your little niece is staring at you with her curious eyes and a big grin on her face. It makes you forget why you were holding back the tears in your way back home. It makes the sadness in your heart go away when you hear Tris giggling as she wraps her tiny arms around your knees and asks you to pick her up. 

 

"Hi Leksa," the little girl says smiling after you stop bouncing her on your hip. "I missed you today." 

 

You kiss her chubby cheek. "I missed you too Tris. Did you have fun today at school?" 

 

She nods. "We made drawings again! Yours is in my backpacks, wanna see?" 

 

"Of course! My walls were complaining about you not making them more decorations." You say and Tris laughs and rests her head on your shoulder. Music to your ears. "Where's your mommy?" 

 

"She's in the bedroom sleeping, shh!" 

 

You couldn't help but smile at how cute she is. "Well then, we better be quiet. I'm gonna start dinner and you go get your things okay? We will finish your homework before your mommy is up."

 

Tris nods and you give her thumbs up after gently leaving her back in the floor. She goes slowly to the front door where she always leave her tiny pink backpack as you walk to the kitchen to make some dinner before your sister is up. You're going to prepare her favorite, chicken and rice, because she rarely is asleep when you get home, so that definitely means she's tired than usual. 

 

Tris helps you set the table after she finished her homework, as much as a 5 year old can help, and asks you if she should go wake up her mommy. You tell her to wait just for a few more minutes to give Anya more time to rest before she has to leave again to work, the little girl nods and sits on her usual chair and begins to sip on her orange juice you just prepared her. 

 

You turn off the stove after checking the food and you leave a plate with dinner in front of your hungry little niece. 

 

"I'll be back in a few minutes with your mom, okay? You can start without us if you're hungry." 

 

Tris nods and gives you thumbs up just like you've been teaching her since she was a tiny, tiny baby. 

 

Your mind keeps going back to those moments when Tris was born as you change your dirty soccer clothes, you make a mental note to shower before going to bed as you leave your dirty clothes in the corner of your room to wash them for tomorrow. You remember being in the delivery room at the age of eleven, nearly twelve, next to your tired big sister. You remember trying to wipe Anya's forehead because it was really sweaty and you wanted to do anything to help her. But you weren't tall enough to reach anywhere near your sister, besides to hold her hand, who was sitting in the hospital bed. You could barely rest your head on the bed, it was like 4 am and you were really tired (not as much as your sister obviously). 

 

When Anya started to feel contractions in her last week of pregnancy, not matter how far apart they were, she knew she had to drive to the hospital or she'd have had to call an ambulance that would've left you in the house all by yourself until she came back two or three days latter or worst, you'd have had to spend the night, and the days she was in the hospital, in social services again. And she definitely didn't want that for you again because she was careless just one night. 

 

You remember how your tired eyes were closing themselves without your consent, you wanted to see your little niece or nephew as soon as they were born but you were really tired after a long day and without your glasses (you forgot them in your night table) your eyes were hurting with all of the lights in the hospital room. But they opened just as a nurse came in and said your sister was ready to push. You had no clue what that meant, you do know now thanks to health and biology class, but with the excitement the nurse said it, and followed by "I'll go get the doctor," you guessed it were good news. 

 

And they were, because only a few minutes after the doctor introduced herself you heard a baby crying. And your sister telling you to come closer, you were a little overwhelmed by so many people inside the room so you went to sit in one of the chairs by the corner of the room, Anya knew it was going to make you uncomfortable to be in a place with so many people, you weren't used to it besides school, so she tried to make you part of everything as much as she could, to take a look at the now softly crying pink bundle in her chest. _I have a niece!_ Was your first thought when you saw the color of the clothes the newborn was dressed with.

 

"She... 's so tiny," were the first words that came to your mind to describe the tiny human as you gently touched your niece's little button nose. "She... she's beautiful." You say with a big smile as you looked into your sister's tired eyes. 

 

Anya gives you a tired smile and nods. And when your sister asked you if you wanted to hold the tiny human you shacked your head from one side to another with wide big eyes. Anya laughed softly trying not to wake up her daughter at your expression. "It'd be easier to hold her if you sit down, Lexi." She whispered but you didn't change your opinion _. What if I accidentally drop her?_ Was the only thing in your mind. 

 

You remember falling asleep in the couch the room had. You remember waking up every three or two hours with the loud cries of the newborn. You remember you wanted to ask the nurse or your big sister why babies cry so much, but you were too tired to even open your eyes. 

 

The next morning, a new nurse came in and introduced herself saying she was going to teach the new parents, just your sister in this case, basic stuff they had to know about kids. You remember the tense face your sister had on when the nurse asked if the father of the newborn went to the cafeteria and if they should wait for him. Anya only replied with a firm "no." And asked the nurse to proceed. 

 

You remember you jumped from the chair you were sitting on, your cookies completely forgotten along with your chocolate milk you went to buy to the cafeteria all by yourself because your sister can't get out of bed, when the nurse took the baby from the bassinet next to Anya's bed. You were making sure your little niece, your sister still hasn't chose a name yet, wouldn't get harmed in this stranger's arms, it didn't matter to you that the woman said she was there to help your sister. The nurse explained how to change diapers, you looked closely because you wanted to learn, how to properly burp the baby after she ate and the list went on. 

 

It wasn't until you and Anya, and Tris (your sister chose the name after the nurse left that day), were home from the hospital when you finally sat in your sister's bed and held the tiny baby. You were obsessed with her little nose and you gently caressed it trying to keep your little nice sleeping as your sister took a very much deserved shower. 

 

"I'm going to protect you from everything and anything," you whispered to the sleeping baby as you now gently moved your hand up and down Tris' back, and even if you were grossed out by the drool now covering your shirt you didn't say anything. "I'll always be here for you." 

 

And you've kept your promise for the past 5 years. You were there for your niece when she fell to her knees as she learned how to walk. You were there when she said her first words. You were there when she was crying because she didn't want to go to pre school, and you want to be there for her when she learns how to drive a bicycle this Christmas (your sister already told you she was saving for Tris' present this year). 

 

When you gently knocked on your sister's door and you don’t get an answer, you open it and you find Anya still in bed and the curtains closed. Maybe she had a headache. You tap her shoulder a few times but you don't get any answer besides a soft groan from her. 

 

"Hey, An," you try again as you now gently cup her face. "Wake up, is nearly seven thirty." 

 

And Anya usually leaves at 8:30, and you don't want her to go to the bar with an empty stomach. 

 

When your sister finally opens her eyes, you look into them and that's when you realize how tired she looks. 

 

"Do you want me to bring you food here?" You whisper because she clearly has a headache and you don't want to make it worst. "And maybe some medicine?" 

 

"No," your sister mumbles as she rubs her eyes. "I'll be up in a second, is Tris okay?" Anya asks and looks at you. "She didn't... She didn't want to take a nap with me and I had no other option than leaving her in the living room with her toys." 

 

You nod. "Yeah, she's okay. Door was locked so there is nothing to worry about," you say as you unconsciously move your fingers in your sister's temple. "And you don't need to give me any explanations An." 

 

And it wasn't until your sister looked at you and told you to sit on her bed when you remembered she can read you like an open book. 

 

"Is everything okay, Lex?" She gently asks as she sits up against the headboard. 

 

And after taking a shaky and deep breath, you broke down to tears. And you're in your big sister's arms before you can even say your name. 

 

"I don't want you to keep things from me, kiddo." She says and calls you by the name she gave you when you were as little as your niece and with your sister still living in the same foster house as you. "Talk to me." 

 

It only takes a few more minutes of you sobbing in your sister's arms for her to speak again.

 

"Oh my god," she whispers as she holds you ever more close to her chest as the tears still fall freely from your eyes. "You're... You're not late, are you?" Anya says and you can notice how afraid she is that her assumption is true only by hearing her voice. "I... I should've... I could've bought you pills... And... Oh fuck Lex. I should've... I could've..." 

 

You were frozen in place with the words that are still leaving your sister's mouth. Of course you're not pregnant but you can't find your voice to stop her rambling. You untangle yourself from her strong arms to look at her face and you see Anya with tears in her eyes. 

 

"Fuck Lexa, I didn't... I didn't know you were sexually active," she says as she wipes the tears from her face. "Do you... Do you have a boyfriend or... Do you at least know the guy?" She asks as she wipe her now soaked cheeks. "I don't... I told you don't to drink to much the other day! Was your drink extra sweet? Like, as if it had honey?" Anya looks at you and you wrap your arms around her neck as she sobs into yours. "I... I don't even know who's the father of my daughter Lex, I don't... I don't want that for you." 

 

And now you understand why Anya didn't look so happy when she picked you up at the party you went or when you climbed in her car smelling like alcohol. She has never told you anything like what is leaving her mouth now because she never really gave you "The talk" as most of teenagers have experienced, so when the words "I don't know who's the father of my daughter," left her mouth is you who brings her close to hug her. You thought Tris was conceived in a previous relationship your sister didn't want to talk about, but as you feel her tears in your neck and her shaky arms pulling you close, you notice how hard this must be for your big sister. 

 

"Hey, its okay," you say as you gently comb her hair with your fingers. You cleared your throat and softly whispered, "Anya, I am not pregnant," you felt your sister let out another sob in your neck. Probably in relief. "That's... That's actually what I want to talk to you about. I think... I think I am gay." 

 

She doesn't say anything and you're left there waiting for her answer with your heart beating faster than it does when you're on the field playing. You bite your lip to keep the sob that almost left your mouth as you feel your sister unwrapping her arms from around your body. And you wait, with your eyes closed, for her rejection. 

 

But it doesn't come when you heard her speaking again. 

 

"Lexa, kid, look at me," Anya says as she wipes your cheeks with her thumbs _. She's being too nice!_ You think as you grab a fist full of sheets with your shaking hands. "Hey, come on, you're still the same baby I held seventeen years ago. I want you to be happy, whether is with a guy or a girl or someone who doesn't want to label themselves, and your sexual orientation does not change what I think about you, or how much love I have for you." She says, and this time is you who cries in her neck but not because you're sad, is because you're so fucking happy because your family loves you and accepts you no matter what. 

 

Tris jokes the whole time dinner lasts and she seems extra cuddly today when you pick her up after your sister had left, with a kiss on both her daughter and your forehead even when you laughed and tried to get away from her grip, your niece asks you if you can watch a movie with her and how can you say no to that pair of tiny brown eyes? 

 

Tris falls asleep with her head in your lap and your hand in her tummy by the middle of Finding Dory, you downloaded it for her because sadly is the middle of the school year and you didn't have money to take her to the theater, and you stare at her. You think that maybe the reason why your sister never told you the story behind how she got pregnant is because she didn't want you to think she doesn't want or love her kid. And you totally understand her decision, because you probably would've done the same. There's no need to anyone to know that she was drugged or raped, what matter now is that she has a wonderful kid who she will love and protect until the end of her days. And so will you. 

 

You change Tris into her pjs carefully to avoid waking her up. And before turning the lights off, you leave a kiss on her forehead with a little smile on your face. 

 

After taking a shower you quickly dry your hair and body and you make the decision to fall asleep early today so you won't be tired tomorrow, even when you won't be playing in the game. 

 

* * *

 

 

You're up and cooking breakfast when your sister is back. You're toasting bread to eat with eggs and bacon and she looks at you as if you suddenly had three heads. You roll your eyes when Anya asks you if something bit you last night and that's why you're up at 6 am. 

 

Raven is the first one to greet you today at school. You wonder how come she's always excited every morning and doesn't care about how loud she is and the way everyone glares at her. A soft and sincere smile takes over your face as soon as you feel her arm wrapping around your shoulders. 

 

"Hey there, mumbles!"

 

"Good morning Raven." You say as you push your glasses up on your nose. "Happy Friday." 

 

She envelopes you on a tight but short hug and a grin on her face, she's apparently extra excited today. "You coming to my party tonight after the game right?" Raven asks you while you both walk to your locker. You're careful not to walk too fast because you don't want your friend - she totally is your friend right? - to feel uncomfortable with her injured leg because of you. 

 

How can you tell your friend you're not even sure if you're coming to the game because you'll be sitting at the bench anyway?

 

"Uh, hmm," you stutter out as you try to make yourself look busy trying to open your locker with its combination. "I'll have to ask for permission first." It's not a lie but it's not the answer your friend wanted anyway. 

 

Raven playfully whines. "Come on mumbles," she says and extends her arms to help you get your books out. She holds your books and notebooks until you close the metal door again. "It'll be fun! Perfect way to distract yourself. If your parents don't let you drink you could stay over and leave Saturday's morning. They won't even notice. Unless you're hangover as fuck." She jokes and laughs. 

 

How are you supposed to tell your friend that you've been on the foster system since you have memory? And the fact that you don't even remember your parents? (you know you have them obviously but neither you or Anya ever talk about them) and how your sister and your little niece are the only family you know? 

 

You really want to agree though. You could use a distraction. You make the mental note to ask Anya to let you go after today's dinner. 

 

"Fine," you say. "I probably won't have to stay over though, don't worry." 

 

"Yas!" Raven says. "You have advanced physics now right? Wanna sit with me?" 

 

"Sure." 

 

"Lead the way then, mumbles." Raven playfully hits your shoulder making you smile. You don't feel like you need to protect yourself around her like you usually do with the rest of the people. So you lower the walls you've built around yourself, and you laugh along with your friend when she tells you a silly joke she read in the Internet last night. 

 

"This one is the best one so far, get ready," Raven says and you look at her as you wait for her on the stairs. "Ow shit, is in Spanish, I'm sorry," she laughs and when you see her struggling with her backpack you offer to take it, she accepts and grins after thanking you. "Maybe I'll come up with another one, you just wait." 

 

Math class is the last period of today so you're excited the week is almost over. Even when you know you still have to go to the game and sit in the bench as your teammates chase the ball around the field. 

 

Mr. Kane greets you with a short hug since you're always the first one in the classroom 15 minutes before everyone else arrives. You always use the time to study with your teacher as he challenges you with new and different types of exercises he comes up with. 

 

"Okay, try this one then!" Mr. Kane says and you chuckle because he always says the same after you finish one of the exercises he gives you. Even if they're as hard as he said they are. 

 

Only three minutes, or less, later you're already dropping your pencil and smiling at your work. "Done!" 

 

Mr. Kane lets out an amused laugh as he checks that your answer is right. But of course it is. 

 

"The upcoming test won't be too much of a challenge for you then," he says and gently squeezes your shoulder. "The rest of the students will be here soon, do you want to help me to hand the tests back to your classmates?" 

 

You shrug. "Yeah, sure." You say. "Can I see mine first? I don't think I got the first one right." 

 

By the time the classroom is finally full, your teacher closes the door and greets the students. You're sitting in a single chair next to his desk staring down at the papers in your hands trying to ignore the looks and comments people are obviously saying about you. You take a deep breath as you begin to call the names of your classmates as you find their tests avoiding to look up at them by pushing your glasses up or trying to look busy reading the other tests.

 

You were slightly hoping that your teacher perhaps had lost Clarke's quiz because you really didn't want to be near her, especially when everyone around is commenting about you. But of course the last paper was hers. So you called her name softer than the others. She was in front of you before you even finished her last name. _She was the last one_ , you tell yourself, _she was waiting for her name to be called._

 

"Here," you say as you hand her her test and you couldn't help but to notice the fact that she did took your advice. Her numbers do seem a little bigger than last month. 

 

And when you look up, you catch her eyes and how hard she's biting her lip. 

 

And of course she's wearing your hoodie over her cheerleader uniform again. You're not surprised this time. 

 

"Thanks," she says and she actually seems nervous and shy. Maybe it is because she's in front of everyone. "I, uh, I owe you one. Thank you for helping me." 

 

You shrug and don't answer. Because you really don't want to give your classmates anything more to whisper about. You don't want anyone to think you're with Clarke. Because even if you're mad with her for playing with your weak heart, you don't want people to think she's a cheater. She's not single. 

 

Or at least, that's what you think. 

 

But of course your teacher, who seems extra happy today, had to say something. 

 

"I noticed your grade this time was way better than last month, Clarke," Mr. Kane says and you're hoping, praying, that he doesn't say what you think he's going to say. "Hey Lexa, how about I write that recommendation letter we spoke about and you help more of your classmates?" There it is. "Maybe Clarke. She could use some more help. And perhaps she can help you with another subject?" 

 

He looks up at the blonde and you push your glasses up on your nose, she has noticed is something you do when you're nervous, before looking at her again. She looks so beautiful, is the only thing you can think about. You dry your suddenly sweaty palms on your jeans as you hope that your ex, she is your ex right?, answers his question. 

 

"Yeah... Um sure," Clarke says as she plays with the sheet in her hand. "I could... I could give her some help on art class?" 

 

Okay, but how does Clarke know you are _terrible_ at drawing and painting and anything that comes with art? You only take the class because the kids in the music class are total assholes to you. You wish you could be in that class instead and finally learn how to play the piano the school has. 

 

"Great then!" Mr. Kane says with a smile on his face. "You can go both sit now, we have some exercises for today. And I have to check which pages will be the homework for next class." 

 

And of course the only free desk had to be the one next to Clarke. 

 

You push your glasses up on your nose, for the third time in less than an hour, after you sat down and you silently take out your pencil from your small pencil case. You try to ignore the fact that Clarke just moved her chair closed to yours as you try to concentrate on writing the exercises on your notebook Mr. Kane is writing on the board. 

 

"Hey, Lexa," Clarke says and you can feel her eyes on your face. But you don't turn around to look at her. After a few seconds, she tries again. "Lexa, can you please look at me?" She whispers and you can hear the desperation on her voice. Clarke lets out a sigh and you can hear her unzipping her backpack. 

 

She doesn't try to talk to you again until the bell rings. 

 

She grabs your wrist to keep you from leaving, because you've packed your stuff back in your bag already, and you hear her whispering again. 

 

"Lexa, please, I really need to talk to you," she says and you sigh as you turn around to give all of your attention to her. "Can we... can we go somewhere more private?" Clarke asks and let's go of your wrist and you don't know why,  but you answer with a short nod. 

 

She makes you follow her and you wonder where the hell she wants to talk and you grab your stomach when it decides to growl. You didn't find an empty table at the cafeteria today, because the football's team practice was cancelled and the boys were all there (and even when your eyes spotted Lincoln laughing and sitting at the same table as Murphy and Bellamy you didn't approach him), and you're really, really hungry. You try to remember if you packed a blue Gatorade for today, you like drinking it even if coach doesn't play you. 

 

Finally, after what feel like years even when you know it must've been only minutes, Clarke stops walking and takes your hand and that's when you realize she just took you to the soccer pitch and is leading you to behind the bleachers, she lets go of you hand and she sits in the green grass and she looks up to you as she waits for you to do the same. 

 

"I think I need to start by apologizing for being such an asshole after the party," Clarke begins after you sat cross legged in front of her and you notice the way her fingers are caressing the grass around her. 

 

"Clarke, I don't..." 

 

"No, please let me finish," she sighs. "I think saying I was afraid isn't enough, right? I made everyone think I didn't know who you were in the middle of people that are complete assholes, besides Octavia of course, and I didn't do anything when Murphy began to make fun of you saying all of those stupid shit. I shouldn't have waited to do something!" She says and looks at you. "And don't even get me started with Bellamy joining on his unnecessary comments." 

 

"Clarke, he's your boyfriend." You say and you can actually see the confusion on the blue eyes of the girl sitting in front of you. 

 

"My... what?" Clarke says, and after staring at your face as if you were the craziest person in this universe, she starts giggling. Why the hell is she giggling? Is the only thing in your mind. "Lexa, he's not my boyfriend. God no. If I ever made you think that, I am truly sorry." 

 

You feel your stomach begging for food at this point but you're really confused right now and you need answers because you saw him kissing Clarke a few days ago and that means they're together, right? "But then why was he kissing you?" You ask before you can bite your tongue. 

 

"Because he's an asshole, I thought we already left that clear." Clarke says and giggles again, and you curse at yourself because if you loved the way she whispered your name in your ear you like the sound of her laugh thousands of times more. "Here's the thing, I went on a date with him after New Year's Eve because he's the big brother of my best friend, we grew up together and that shit. When he told me he just wanted me because I am a cheerleader and he plays football, just like everyone expects the "popular couple" to be, I didn't feel like it was worth a try. So I decided I didn't want anything else to do with him, romantically at least, but he still thinks I want to go on another date. He tries to kiss me sometimes but I always push him away Lexa, Bellamy is just a friend and he... he's not the person I like." 

 

If you thought he was an asshole before, you just confirmed he is one indeed. You want to get up and run to the football yard, you're sure he's there, and kick his ass for treating Clarke like she is his when she doesnt want to do anything with him.

 

Clarke notices the way your hands are closing and how your knuckles are nearly white. She crawls closer to you and if it weren't for your hoodie you would have got a nice view of her cleavage. She's siting in your lap and leaving a kiss under your jaw before you can bring yourself to make her stop. 

 

"Lexa, baby, relax." She whispers and rests her head in your shoulder in the same spot your little niece does. Then, she's taking your arms and wrapping them around herself. 

 

You closed your eyes and took a long breath in smelling her sweet shampoo. Before you can stop yourself you're bringing her impossibly closer to your body and she's softly kissing your neck again. 

 

And you know you shouldn't give in so easily. At least now you know that you weren't the other girl and she wasn't using you to cheat on her boyfriend. But is Clarke, and even when she has broken your heart twice already, she still feels inevitable to you. There's something in the way she holds you, in the way she says your name, in the way her soft lips feel against yours and how her blue eyes shine even more bright when she's looking at you that make you want to be near her every moment you can. 

 

It takes everything you have to push her away. You gently kiss the top of her head before you're unwrapping your arms from her waist. Clarke looks up to you with her blue eyes and now is when you wish you could know what she's thinking as you get up and take your backpack from the grass. You offer her a hand and she takes it, and with some of your strength you help her to get back to her feet, you want to ask her to give your hoodie back, but now you're convinced it looks way better in her than it did in yourself. 

 

"Clarke, I..." you begin. "I don't know if I can trust you again, at least not right now... yet." You whispered avoiding to look at the eyes you love. "I... I am sorry. But maybe we can try to be friends?" 

 

It takes a few moments for her to speak again, but before you hear her voice, you hear the bell ringing and your stomach growling again. You really should try to eat a few cookies before you go back to class, but instead you're waiting for Clarke's answer. You feel one of her soft hands gently cupping your cheek as her lips kiss the other one. You feel a light blush heating your face and you bite your lip trying to distract yourself.

 

"I'll make it up to you, I swear." She says softly as she comes closer to you and rests her forehead in your neck. "No more lies and no more hiding. I don't give a damn to what people may think." 

 

Clarke walks you to your last class of the day and she kisses your check and has you blushing again  before she disappears into the classroom in front of yours, she turns around to give you a big smile before she closes the door behind her. Since you were a little late, thank god you got to the classroom before Mr. Pike did though, you could feel some eyes of your classmates staring at you. You lower your eyes before you sit in one of the empty desks at the back of the classroom. The class begins and you take a few notes but you're not really interested in what the teacher is saying. 

 

You're always the only one left in the classroom because you like to take your time to organize your things back in your backpack. But this time, some other guys are too busy chatting on their desks to pay attention to Mr. Pike, and you definitely don't want to get in trouble too so you quietly leave the classroom before he can give you detention too. 

 

And Clarke is waiting right outside the door for you with your hoodie in her hands. Maybe she wants to give it back to you? You don't know.  You'll ask her. 

 

"You have practice now too, right? Before the game?" She asks and you nod. 

 

"I have to go get my bag from my locker." You say, this time she nods to you. 

 

She follows you to your locker and patiently waits until you close the metal door again. When you begin walking again, she's right next to you. 

 

"Are you excited for tonight's game?" Clarke asks as you both walk to the soccer field. 

 

You shrug. "Not really. Coach said I won't play tonight." 

 

She stops abruptly and grabs your wrist to turn you around as she looks for your green eyes. 

 

"Why!?" She says. "Lexa, you and Octavia are the best forwards I've ever seen..." 

 

You try to ignore the way your skin burns in the place Clarke has touched you as you push your glasses up on your nose with your free hand. 

 

"I don't know, okay? He just said it." 

 

Clarke shakes her head. "I'll have a word with him." 

 

Your eyes are wide open as you follow her shooting her name. She's not really talking to your coach, is she? 

 

"Clarke!" You say. "Clarke, wait!" 

 

But Raven and Octavia are suddenly in front of Clarke and the blue eyed girl stops to talk to them. Raven has a pop corn bag in one of her hands and you think she might have gotten it to watch the game. Thank god they caught Clarke's attention. You really think she was going to talk to your coach. You look at the three girls that are too busy talking to each other but Raven waves her hand free at you with a smile when she's waiting for Clarke to answer Octavia's question. You answer with a little smile and then you're leaving them because you really need to change and do a few warms up even if you're not playing today. 

 

You decide to not put your cleats on, so after tying your shorts and with your shin guards and cleats on your hands, you leave the almost empty locker room to sit in your spot on the bench. The cheerleaders are practicing in front of you and you stare at them in awe because you're sure you could never do half of what those girls are doing, and with a smile on their faces all the time? You really think people should consider cheerleading a sport. 

 

And when you catch Clarke's blue eyes, she gives you a little smile that makes you look away hoping she can't see the little blush taking over your cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 

By halftime, your team is losing 3-0 and they need a miracle for even scoring a goal. The defense of the other team is really good and their goalkeeper has made amazing saves catching the balls Octavia has kicked. Your teammates are so pissed they don't even speak or look at each other when they grab the water bottles. Coach says something, but nobody listens to him. Even the smile on the cheerleaders' face are already gone. 

 

You sit in your spot in front of your locker, and you decide to put on a hoodie over your jersey. Until, Octavia speaks up. 

 

"Coach," she says more loud that you'd have expected. She has the attention of the old man though. "I have a question, if you don't mind me asking." 

 

"Go ahead, kid." He motions with his hands for her to continue talking. 

 

Octavia takes a deep breath. "Why _the fuck_ Lexa is not playing? We all know Amy is no condition of being on the field and I don't even know why she is back in the team. She never scores any of the passes I sent to her!" 

 

Saying that you're surprised with Octavia's words is an understatement. You're absolutely shocked, and when you feel the eyes of your teammates in your face, you look down to your dirty Vans and grab the back of your neck. 

 

"You either take Amy out and sub Lexa in, or I'm going home right now." Octavia speaks again, and nobody says a single word. Even coach knows they can't lose Octavia. "All the efforts I'm doing are useless!" 

 

You don't want to see the look on your teammates face, because you're sure more than one of them are mad with the words that left Octavia's mouth. Especially Amy, who is friends with most of the girls in the soccer team. 

 

It feels like an eternity until your coach sighs and says a few words again. 

 

"Put your cleats on, Woods." 

 

When the referee blows the whistle again, you make eye contact with Octavia just for a second until she runs to steal the ball from the girl in front of her. The defenders aren't paying attention to you, making it easier for you to get closer to the box, exactly where Octavia wants you. She told you just to wait for her to send you a cross, assisting your goal. You really hope you can score so you don't disappoint her and your team. 

 

When you hear the other team's goalkeeper yelling to her defenders to keep an eye on you, you feel your stomach tying with knots because she noticed what you were waiting for. But you stop overthinking about it when you hear Octavia yelling your name and then, you see the ball before it makes contact with your forehead. You close your eyes because you don't want to see if it is in or not. 

 

But you open them, when you hit the ground and hear the yelling of your teammates as they land on top of you. Now you feel like a football player instead of a soccer one. Octavia is so excited, and of course you are too, she yells in your ear. 

 

"Lexa! Fuck! We're amazing!" She says, and a few moments later, you hear the cheerleaders yelling your jersey's number and your last name. Normally, you'd hate all the attention you're getting, but right now, you only care about Clarke who is excitedly yelling your name looking into your eyes. 

 

After your goal, your teammates are clearly more motivated. The defenders don't let any of the other players get even close to the box and one even got a yellow card for grabbing the other girl's jersey. Octavia, the captain tonight, gives her a "Stop making stupid decisions," glare that has the freshman player gulp. You couldn't help but laugh just for a second until Octavia looked at you in the same way. 

 

"Lexa, go get ready again," she tells you and you nod. 

 

You missed a few of the shots, but when is you who sends the cross from the right side, Octavia finishes it in a goal that has you jumping in her arms. You hear Raven's voice coming from the bleachers and it has you laughing again. 

 

"Así es como se juega fútbol, ¡idiotas!" 

 

You start feeling nervous again when you notice there's only 3 more minutes left of added time and your team is still losing 2-3. And that's why you decide to steal the ball and run to face the goalkeeper on your own. You make eye contact with the girl in gloves trying to free yourself from the grip on your jersey from one of the defenders, and the only thing you hear before kicking the ball is Octavia yelling your name. 

 

Because you did it. You tied the game. And your teammates jump on you again, celebrating as if your team won. 

 

And then, the cheerleaders run into the field to yell your name and Octavia's, because you two were the ones that saved this game. 

 

And you were absolutely not expecting Clarke jumping into your arms and wrapping her legs around your waist. 

 

"You're out of this world, Lexa! How did you even manage to score that last goal!" She yells in your ear, and when you gently set her back into the ground, she doesn't care about where you two are, because she hugs you, making you rest your sweaty forehead on her chest as you try to catch your breath. You're really tired and you could use drinking water. 

 

When you see Raven she gives you a knowing grin before she hugs Octavia. 

 

"Rae, I'm all sweaty." The younger girl laughs. 

 

"I don't care, nena." Raven answers winking her right eye. With Clarke's arms still around your neck, is you who grins at the people you've been spending time with. 

 

"English please, Raven." Octavia rolls her eyes, making you and the two other girls laugh. "Now lets go party, bitches!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you will say Lexa is forgiving too easily, but guys, it's Christmas eve, no bad comments please. :(
> 
> I wish you the best holidays with your loved ones. 
> 
>  
> 
> ("Así es como se juega fútbol, ¡idiotas!" -> "That's how you play soccer, idiots!"  
> "Nena" -> "Babe")


End file.
